The Newbie
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "Everyone knows that they're practically mad for each other." [Densi, High-School]
1. Come Along, Fern

"Who's the new girl?" Deeks asks, nodding towards the table a mere forty feet away.

"Oh, her?" His friend Josh points one finger in her immediate direction.

"I think her name is Kensi… It's her first day. I don't know much about her though- someone said that her dad's in the military, and that's why she switched schools? I'm not totally sure though."

"She's pretty," Deeks adds, unable to pull his eyes away from her.

Okay, maybe _pretty _is an understatement.

She's beautiful, with long brown hair and two different colored eyes that he can spot from a mile away. She's playing with her food, not really consuming it._ Must have high standards._

He can deal with that.

He's never seen her around before, but it doesn't even matter. The girl is clearly new, solely judging by the way she's sitting completely alone. He hates it, really.

She's beautiful, graceful and angelic. She _doesn't _deserve to be sitting by herself.

So he's not gonna let her.

"Deeks, dude, what are you…?"

He grabs his tray, standing up and walking away from the table without a single word.

"Hi."

Kensi's eyes shoot upwards, her heart skipping a beat as she evaluates the boy standing in front of her.

_Damn_, he's gorgeous. Tan, muscular, with baby blue eyes that look just like the sunny, California sky.

"Um… hi."

He smiles at her awkwardness. The expression is cheeky and more than a little flirtatious.

"Can I sit?"

She nods furiously, sitting up tall.

"Er, yeah! Sure."

Her eyes don't leave his face as he maneuvers over the bench, sitting down with an unparalleled fluidity.

_God, could he be a surfer? I think he's a surfer. He's super tan like a surfer._

"What's your name?" He asks, interrupting her thoughts. Deeks knows the answer, but his momma taught him to ask the question regardless. _Be a gentleman._

"Kensi," she states simply.

He nods. "I'm Marty. Everyone just calls me Deeks though."

"What's a _Deek?"_

That produced another smile. She almost fainted.

"My last name."

She nods slowly, allowing herself to grin just slightly. "Right. Got it."

"So is Kensi short for anything?"

"Nope. Just… _Kensi."_

There's a brief silence.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

_Ohhhhh. So he's a flirt. _

"Thanks," Kensi mutters, her cheeks flushing pink.

He lowers his head down slightly, hoping to meet her eye line. "What's your next class?"

"Um…"

She rotates around quickly, pulling a wrinkled sheet of paper from the front zipper of her backpack.

"After lunch… I have chemistry."

His eyes light up. This might just be his lucky day.

"Same, actually."

Kensi has yet to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

She thinks she likes him. He seems sweet enough.

For some reason though, she has this odd inkling that he may start to drive her crazy at any given moment.

"You wanna get out of here?" He asks suddenly, a tiny grin tugging at his features.

She sits up straight, swallowing hard. "What?"

Deeks rolls his eyes, chuckling quietly. "I'm not asking to go make out under the bleachers, princess. I'm asking if you wanna walk around outside until lunch is over."

He points to her food. "You don't really seem to be enjoying that."

She ignores his use of the word princess, and grins. "It's revolting."

"My point exactly."

Kensi sighs. "Fine. Lead the way."

He winks, spinning around and jogging towards the front door. His group of friends all widen their eyes as the two of them pass, Deeks smirking in their direction. Josh gives him a discreet thumbs up, one that Kensi is completely oblivious to.

"So… why did you move schools?" He asks as they walk through the corridors, passing wall after wall of lockers.

She fidgets with the books in her hands, holding them tightly against her chest. "My dad's in the military. We move around a lot."

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

The words are surprisingly sweet. Kensi would never have expected something like that coming from him, but she got it nonetheless.

"Oh. Thanks."

She just keeps on walking, her eyes glued to the bleached floors. Deeks pushes the door open for her, allowing Kensi to exit in front of her.

She mumbles a quiet thank you, stepping out into the midday sun.

Regaining some of her confidence, Kensi decides it's best to break the silence. "It's gorgeous out here."

He smiles. "Just like you. A little breath of fresh air."

Normally she'd laugh, or make some snide remark. _It is a rather lame pickup line._

But he's giving her this tiny crooked smile, and for some reason it seems that no words can pass her lips.

_Hell,_ she's almost feeling lightheaded.

Kensi tries to plant one foot in front of the other, but her eyes aren't watching the ground in front of her, they're too stuck on his features. She trips over something, falling down but catching herself on her palms.

Cursing quietly under her breath Kensi makes a fleeting attempt to stand up, just so she can run away and never _ever _see this gorgeous boy again, the one whole she just humiliated herself in front of on the very first day of school.

He's not quite as quick to let her go, though.

"Are you alright?"

Deeks kneels down beside her, placing one hand on her shoulder while using the other to pick up her books.

"I'm fine."

He doesn't believe her. "You know, people only say they're fine when they aren't _actually_ fine."

She grins. It seems Deeks already knows her pretty damn well.

"Okay then. Gimme a hand?"

He stands, pulling Kensi to her feet.

"What did I trip over anyways?" She asks, her eyes tracing over the ground. A smashed plant sat on her left.

She'd stopped walking in a straight line and run directly into a fern on her very first day. _Of course._

"Those plants can be tricky little bastards," he says as she continues brushing herself off.

"I tripped."

She thought about tacking the word 'ass' onto her statement, but assumed it was a bit too soon.

_Maybe next week. _

"Yeah, over a fern."

Kensi rolls her eyes. "Shut it."

"That's your new nickname, by the way."

She lifts her eyes, puzzled. "Shut it?"

He chuckles. "No, no. _Fern_."

She snorts. "Don't you dare call me Fern."

The bell rings, catching them both off guard.

"Sorry, but I like it. Seems fitting."

He quickly starts walking away, still holding her books and bracing for some sort of a slap or punch. She seems like the girl who wouldn't hesitate to beat him up at a moments notice.

"Deeeeeks!" Kensi growls, both feet planted to the ground.

He spins around and grins, walking backwards.

"Come along, Fern. Don't make your new chem partner late for class."


	2. Heat

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the kind reviews on the first chapter! This was originally just going to be a one shot, but I have come up with a way to extend it. I am SO excited for this story… it really is a blast to write! :)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

Yeah, she's starting to like him.

Kensi can't pinpoint exactly what it is, as the boy still tries to drive her crazy half the time. He'll sit behind her in class just so he can randomly pull her hair hair whenever he pleases, or he'll steal her car keys from her backpack so she has no choice other than to let him drive her home from school.

They're still just friends, or at least pretend to be. But there is _always_ heat.

It's delivered in small, shy doses- like the way Kensi catches him staring at her as she tries to decipher a complex calculus problem, or how his eyes will light up when he sees her approaching.

She has made other friends too, but nobody compares to him, honestly. Every single girl that Kensi hangs out with is constantly elbowing her in the side when he's around.

They _all _know.

She'll punch him in the arm and tease him incessantly about his scent- which consistently smells of salt-water, but it doesn't make any sort of a difference in the way other people perceive their relationship.

Everyone knows that they're practically _mad_ for each other.

The guy is different, and she loves it. He wears a gleaming smile wherever he goes, and is always on her side. He gives her crap about a lot of things, sure, but he'll always defend her whenever it's required.

He's just… _Marty Deeks. _

But on that particular day, he seems different. Distant, almost cold.

"You okay?" She asks as they walk towards their separate third period classes.

His eyes are droopy as if he hasn't slept, and the concern for his well being is slowly becoming overwhelming.

"I'm fine," he mutters, gaze sharp and hard.

She gives him a knowing look. They both fully understand what that word means- the total and complete opposition of what it suggests.

"Come on, Deeks."

He sighs. There's no way he can hide anything from her, and Deeks knows it all too well.

"It's… my dad," he admits finally, his voice quiet and small.

That's bad, and she knows it.

Kensi has only met the man once, in passing when she'd gotten her mother to drive Deeks home from school after his car broke down a couple of weeks prior. She was taken aback by his bluntness and rude nature, as his father really was _nothing_ like hers.

Deeks had apologized profusely for his dad's behavior, feeling terrible that she'd been exposed to somebody like that.

Kensi wasn't worried about herself, though. She was worried about _him._

And based on the way he's acting today, she still has a good reason to be.

"What's going on?"

It takes Deeks a moment to actually turn and face her, but she gasps when he finally does. There's a descent sized black and blue bruise on his jawline, one that he's trying incredibly hard to cover up.

"Deeks…" She stops walking, grabbing his arm and forcing him to stay beside her. "What the hell happened?"

He inhales sharply, ruffling his mop of wavy blond hair.

"He hit me. It's okay, though. It happens a lot. I'm used to it."

Deeks tries to make a run for it, but Kensi grabs his muscular forearm once again before he can slip away.

"It's not okay and you know it."

He shrugs. "There's not much I can do about it, Kens."

There it is- that other side of him that nobody seems to see except her. Suddenly the handsome cool teenager everyone knows becomes the shy, withdrawn student that nobody pays attention to.

_Fine then, _she tells herself. _To hell with everyone else._

She's gonna listen, and she's gonna look after him. Someone has to do it.

"Deeks, just-"

The bell rang. Her class was to the left, his was to the right.

"Er... lunch in the courtyard?" she asks, slowly moving away as the halls become overcrowded with students.

He nods, smiling faintly. "Sounds good."

She turns, her back facing him as she walks into her next class. Deeks sneaks a quick peek in Kensi's direction before disappearing completely out of sight, only to find that she's doing the exact same.

He smiles, looking up and down the now empty hallways. Deeks is definitely going to be the last person to class, but he could care less.

This girl might just be the best thing that's ever happened to him.

* * *

They usually sit with their mutual group of friends at lunch, sure.

But whenever something is going wrong, Kensi and Deeks have a particular spot they like to eat lunch at. Outside in the courtyard, just a couple of feet away from the fern she tripped over on the very first day they met.

Deeks smiles as Kensi approaches. He's sitting on the top of a table, both feet planted on the bench. His hair sparkles in the sun, the gleaming light showing off the flaxen highlights in his hair.

He looks sly, cool and absolutely gorgeous.

"Hey," she says, dropping her tray of food down to the table. Kensi pushes it aside, hopping up to sit down beside him.

"Hey."

Glancing at their surroundings, Kensi doesn't find a single trace of food.

"You not eating lunch?"

He shrugs, resting both elbows on his knees as he just stares out at the grass.

"I'm not hungry."

Kensi studies his features for a moment, still only able to see half his face. The bruise is fully exposed to her now, and it almost looks worse outside, without all the florescent lights beating down on it.

"Here," she says, handing him an apple from her lunch tray. "You should really eat something."

Deeks grins toothlessly at her concern, and accepts the little offering without any protest.

"Thanks."

He tosses it in the air once before taking a quick bite. He's trying to be so cool around her, and she knows it.

That doesn't mean she _minds _it, though. Quite the contrary.

Kensi clears her throat, knowing that it's necessary to bring up the unfortunate topic of discussion at some point.

"Look, Deeks, about your dad... there's gotta be something you can do."

He finishes chewing before speaking. "Aside from kill the guy... _no."_

Her eyes widen, her breathing growing shallow.

"Deeks, you're not-'

"No." He shakes his head. "I've thought about it, yeah. But no."

"Good."

She bites her lower lip, looking for the right words. They're good enough friends now that she assumes it's alright to ask the question sitting on the tip of her tongue.

"What about your mom?"

He takes another bite. "What about her?"

"Is she... nice?"

Deeks nods slowly, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah. She's pretty cool."

Kensi's eyes light up for a moment, but she's shot back down rather quickly.

"It doesn't matter though. He beats her up too."

Kensi wants to hold his hand, just to try and comfort him, but she knows how suggestive that would seem.

Instead, she just settles for using words.

"You can still fight back," she says quietly. "You're strong and tough. I know you are."

He smiles just the tiniest bit, fidgeting with the tie on his hoodie.

"Thanks."

"I mean it."

His smile fades as he lifts his eyes to meet hers. "I just… I wanna walk away from it. All of it."

"Then we'll make today a good day, okay? Let this be your… escape."

Deeks smiles. "Okay."

She nods, returning the gesture. "Okay."

They both grin small, shy smiles at one another, and although she hates to do it Kensi finds it within herself to change the subject.

"We have PE next. That's your favorite, isn't it?"

He chuckles, raising one eyebrow. "And yours as well."

"Maybe."

"You just like seeing me sweaty and shirtless, that's all."

Kensi instantly blushes, but tries her best to cover it up.

"That's not at all true. Maybe it's the other way around."

He moves in closer_. Good god _he's attractive.

"Maybe."

Kensi swallows hard just as the bell rings. That damn thing never seems to get the timing right, honestly.

"What's on the schedule for today?" Deeks asks, clearing his throat as he hops up from the table.

She does the exact same, grabbing her tray of practically untouched food. If he doesn't have an appetite, than neither does she.

"Um... dodgeball, I assume. That's what we've been doing all week."

He only pauses for a short moment.

"I'm gonna kick your ass, Blye."

She takes a step forward, playfully narrowing her eyes.

"In your dreams."

Deeks tilts his head to one shoulder, a cheeky grin tugging at one corner of his mouth.

"Well, that's usually what my dreams consist of, so…"

Kensi doesn't hesitate to punch him the shoulder, but tries to keep the force of the blow light. She doesn't want to injure the poor guy any further.

"You're _so _on."

He's not even trying to hide his overly enthusiastic reaction. "You're gonna be in my dreams now? I don't know how you'd do that, aside from some weird mind-ception thingy, but I'm more than willing to be your test subject if you-"

"Shut up." Kensi takes another step towards him, fully aware of the fact that their faces are a mere three inches apart. "I'm talking about _dodgeball,_ Deeks."

He winks. "I'm sure you are."


	3. Just Friends

**I absolutely love writing this story, so updating daily is pretty easy to manage. I know ****_exactly _****where I'm going with this, and I can't wait for you guys to read it:)**

**Enjoy this super-duper long chapter, and please review as always! **

**-Hazel**

* * *

Josh pats Deeks on the shoulder, sitting down beside him at the lunch table that Friday. He was the first one of their usual group to arrive, and is currently scanning the pages of a book he has to read for english class as he awaits some company.

"Hey dude."

Deeks jumps, caught off guard by his friends sudden appearance. "Oh, er, hey."

"How are you?"

The question sounds sincere, which seems odd coming from the type of pal who usually doesn't offer up more than a high five or teasing smile.

They're friends- good friends by most peoples standards.

But this is high school. Nobody _really _cares.

"I'm fine, I guess. Why?"

Josh shrugs. "You've been kinda distant lately. Is it... a new girl, perhaps?"

Of course. So this is about Kensi, not his father.

Deeks is incredibly grateful for that fact.

"What?" He asks, trying and failing at attempting to sound like he has no idea what Josh is talking about. "That's crazy."

"Is it though?"

"Um... yes."

"You two seem pretty close."

"Well, we're friends."

"Sure, because _friends _look at each other like that."

"Like what?"

Josh rolls his eyes, giving Deeks his best recreation of a melodramatic, longing stare.

He just snorts, ruffling his hair. "We do _not _do that."

"Oh yes you do."

Josh just raises his eyebrows- Deeks _knows _he isn't being convincing whatsoever.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I... like her."

"Yeah, I can tell. You practically melt into a puddle whenever she's around."

Deeks narrows his eyes. "Shut it."

"Only if you try to deny that what I say is true."

"Well, I mean... it depends on how you, um..."

He tosses both hands up in the air, grimacing.

"Yeah, I've got nothing."

Josh winks. "My point exactly."

"Hey guys."

Both boys shoot their heads up to find none other than Kensi Blye staring down at them.

Deeks swallows hard, awkwardly clearing his throat. "Hey!"

Josh rolls both eyes as he continues fidgeting around, straightening his back and brushing down his hair so it's sitting just right.

_That boy is wrapped around her finger._

Josh immediately stands up from the table as she sits down, pointing across the room.

"I'm gonna... go over there."

He turns and speed walks away, leaving behind a red faced Deeks and a rather puzzled Kensi.

"What's up with him?" She asks, staring after their friend as he walks away.

Deeks shrugs, trying his best to brush it off. "Oh... nothing."

She awaits more of an answer, but nothing comes. Internally Kensi just brushes it off, grabbing a french fry from her plate.

"Kay."

He wants to ask her something, but wonders if he should wait until later. No, there would be other people around later. Now is the perfect time.

"Kens, um... whatcha doing this weekend?"

She slows down her chewing, eventually finding a way to swallow back the food.

"Well, I... why do you ask?"

He leans forward, resting both elbows on the table. Deeks is trying so hard to play it cool, but his little mannerisms don't seem quite as sly when he's around her.

"A group's going down to the beach this weekend. I was just wondering if you wanted to come."

Her eyes light up, a smile spreading across her face.

"Yeah! That sounds... good. Really good."

He nods. "Good."

"Where?"

"Ventura beach, tomorrow at 8:00 AM."

She gawks at him. _"8:00?"_

Deeks doesn't share her concern. "Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"It just seems pretty early for a Saturday, that's all."

"Best waves always come early, Kens," he says, smirking. "You're a California girl, though. You should already know that."

She shrugs. "Maybe. Not really my thing."

"No? Am I gonna need to be your teacher for the day?"

"I think I can manage."

"You sure? It's not as easy as it seems."

"I've surfed before."

She isn't fooling him. "And when was that?"

"A few years ago."

He begins to laugh, and Kensi's quick to cover her tracks. "But I'm was pretty good at the time."

"I don't buy it."

"I'm not lying."

He sighs. "I guess I'll have to be the judge of that."

She smiles, cocking her head to one side.

"I guess."

* * *

Kensi checks her alarm clock. It's 6:45, which means that she probably doesn't need to get out of bed for another thirty minutes or so.

But she knows that it will be impossible to fall back asleep. It's _Saturday morning._

They're going surfing.

In the back of her mind she knows that it's silly to feel this excited for something as simple as a little trip to the beach, but Kensi doesn't really care. She's far too giddy to _care._

And as far as she's concerned, it's only polite that she pries herself out of bed early. Deeks is picking her up, and the last thing she wants is to keep him waiting.

Kensi tosses both feet over the side of her bed, throwing a sweatshirt on over her tee shirt. She splashes some water on her face, more than ready for what the day is going to hold.

Her heart begins to race as she receives a mental image of a shirtless Deeks, catching waves beside her in the bright sunlight-

_No Kensi. Pull it together. _

They're friends, and that's it. Just friends.

She keeps trying to tell herself that it's enough, and that she doesn't need anything more than that. _Friendship._

But Deeks is different, and she likes it. He's not put off by her tomboyish nature, or by the fact that she knows how to track, shoot, fix an engine and wire a house.

Kensi isn't a typical teenage girl, and he's not an average teenage boy.

So it _works._

* * *

Deeks pulls up to Kensi's house around 7:30, making sure they have some time to spare for the drive. The beach is really only five minutes away, but Kensi probably doesn't know that. He'll take the long route.

Pulling out his phone, Deeks shoots her a quick text.

_Look out your window, Fern. _

It takes only a matter of twenty seconds for her to reply.

_I will not respond to that name, just so you know._

He chuckles, typing away.

_It seems that you just did. _

His head lifts as the front door opens, a fresh faced Kensi appearing. She's wearing a white tee shirt, blue jean cutoffs and a pair of flip-flops. Her hair's down, flowing over her shoulders in pools of soft waves.

It takes Deeks a moment to realize that he's gawking, his lower chin hanging down. He reels it up as she approaches his car.

"Morning Fern," he says as she tosses her bag into the floorboard of the truck, sliding into the passenger seat.

"I told you, Deeks- I'm not gonna respond when you call me that."

He throws the car into drive. "And yet, you're still talking to me."

Kensi just nods, a tiny smile gracing her features.

"Alright. Touche."

She turns to face him fully, her eyes dancing around the interior.

"I never pegged you for the type of guy who'd drive a pickup."

Deeks shrugs. "It was my dads. I didn't get much of a choice in the matter."

Kensi nods, listening intently as he continues on.

"But the surfboards fit perfectly in the bed, so that works out well."

"Uh-huh."

She's trying so hard to concentrate on what he's saying, but the windows are rolled down and the wind is ruffling his hair. Suddenly _breathing _is becoming a rather trying task.

"Can you drive?"

"Hm?"

He glances over to her, but only for a second.

"I was asking if you can drive."

She shakes her head. "Not yet. I'm waiting for my dad to get home. He'll teach me."

There's a brief silence.

"Or I could teach you."

Kensi laughs to cover up how taken aback she is by his comment.

"Excuse me?"

"Well... I just mean that if it's gonna be awhile until he returns from deployment, then, ya know... I could show you the basics."

She stares at him for a long moment, mystified.

"Yeah." Kensi clears her throat. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"_Okay _you can teach me how to drive."

"Really?"

"It's sorta illegal, but..." She shrugs. "Aside from that I don't really see the harm."

He nods, grinning stupidly. "I can tell that you're a thrill seeker, Blye."

"How'd ya guess?"

"You told me that your dad used to take you shooting every weekend."

"So?"

"That definitely qualifies as a 'thrilling' experience to me."

"Maybe. But there is one very 'Californian' thing that I don't do regularly. It's quite thrilling as well."

"And what's that?"

"Surfing."

They've just reached the parking lot at the beach. Deeks throws the truck into park, simultaneously cutting the engine.

"I think I can rectify that."

He winks, and she automatically rolls her eyes. This boys flirtatious nature is unparalleled.

"Nice day," Kensi utters, brushing her hair away from her face as the wind begins to whip it around.

"Do you see that?" He asks, pointing up to a swarm of birds in the sky overhead.

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Gulls are coming in," Deeks says as they approach the beach, walking slowly and steadily. "That means there's gonna be wicked swell out on the bay this morning."

"You know your stuff," she says, trying not to sound impressed.

He nods. "I'm a surfer. It just comes with the territory, I guess."

"Hmmm."

Kensi can't help but think he's trying to impress her. Hell- she _knows _he's trying to impress her.

And it's adorable.

"We're early," she adds, trying to change the topic of discussion before things can get out of hand.

"Uh-huh."

"Why is that, exactly?"

Deeks rubs his chin. "Well... it's about 7:45, and everyone is supposed to meet at 8:00, so from that information I can gather that the fifteen minute time gap is due to-"

"You're such a smart ass," Kensi mutters, still grinning.

"Come on, Fern. You know you love it."

She pretends not to hear him, completely ignoring the comment.

"What? Did I say something too_ truthful?"_

Kensi whips her head around, her cheeks growing pink. "No. You just called me Fern, so I'm not responding."

His cheeky grin just grows. _That little comment about 'loving it' easily got her to respond. _

Deeks isn't saying it, but he's clearly thinking it.

She tosses a punch to his arm, and it carries a surprisingly large amount of weight. He stops, hunching over where he stands.

"Geez, Fern! That hurt!"

Kensi's just gonna have to deal with the nickname, or they'll probably never end up speaking to one another again.

She smirks, backing away. "Sorry, _Marty."_

Deeks grimaces as he finally manages to catch up with her. "Ooh, no. Please don't call me Marty."

"I like it."

"You do?"

She shrugs. "Yeah... why don't you?"

"Nobody calls me Marty anymore. Except my dad."

Kensi instantly comes to a stop. He does the exact same, rotating his body around to face her fully.

She steps closer, lifting two fingers and gently trailing them along the edge of his jawline.

"Your bruise seems to be healing up nicely."

He swallows, shoving both hands into his pockets. "Yeah. Time tends to do that."

Kensi shakes her head. "Not always."

Deeks looks out towards the water. He knows what she's trying to tell him.

"We can only hope for the best."

The way he speaks is almost painful, in a way. She hates how sad his eyes become when he talks about his father. The usually bright, glossy blue orbs become hard and dull.

Deeks finally breaks the silence as he continues to stare out at the waves that are crashing against the shore.

"I don't think I deserve it," he says, shaking his head. "I keep asking myself the same set of questions over and over again. Maybe it's my fault? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?"

He bites down into his bottom lip.

"I dunno. It could be me. I just can't think of anything I've done that would make him hate me this much."

Kensi moves in closer, growing misty eyed.

"He's the bad guy here, Deeks. Not you."

"But how can you be so sure?"

She stands her ground, speaking firmly.

"Because I know you. I know who you are."

"Who am I?"

The question is loaded and unexpected, but she still manages to come up with a proper response rather quickly.

"You're... Deeks. You always reek of salt water, and you have a fish-tacos jones that you don't think I know about. Your hair is messy and you kinda look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. You're also funny and smart and _kind._ You tend to care about people more than they care about you, and that bothers you. But you never let people see that side for some reason."

She shakes her head, looking down to her toes. "I see it, and I know it's there. So you can't try to take the blame for any of this, because none of it is your fault. Your dad is a drunk, Deeks. _Blame him." _

His chin drops, his tough stance softening. What can he even say to something like that? _Thank you? _It seems like a rather weak response, one that would certainly pale in comparison to the many grand statements she's just provided him with.

"Kens, I-"

"Deeks!"

He looks towards the sound, closing his eyes for a fleeting moment after he sees that Josh and the rest of their friends are beginning to approach.

_Dammit. _Another moment, spoiled.

Kensi takes two quick steps away from him, folding both hands behind her back. She gives him the tiniest hint of a toothless smile, one that is silently telling him it's okay. That they'll talk again soon.

He's counting on it.


	4. Wicked Swells

**Thanks for all of the love and support! You guys are the best readers EVER! **

**Please review as always:)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"You ready to go catch some _wicked swells?_" Kensi asks with a stupid grin as she stands by the back of his pickup.

Everyone else has left to rent surfboards, but it just happens that Deeks brought two of his own- one for himself and one for Kensi.

She peels off her tee to reveal a black bikini underneath, and discards the shirt into the bed of his truck, keeping her shorts on.

Deeks tries so hard not to gawk. _Try _being the operative word.

So rather than staring, he ends up just turning his head to the side and clearing his throat.

"I believe it's just 'swell'."

"Hmm?"

"No _s."_

She swallows as Deeks takes off his shirt as well- throwing it in the back of the truck beside hers. Kensi's suspicions have been right all along- he's muscular, tan, and clearly does situps on a daily basis.

"That doesn't really sound right," she adds in an attempt to distract herself away from his gorgeous figure.

"But it is right."

She snorts, pulling her surfboard out. "Whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Yeah, whatever."

He grabs his board, tucking it under one arm and slamming the tailgate shut.

"Now Fern- you're sure that you don't need me to give you a little lesson today?"

She narrows her eyes, and genuinely considers sticking her tongue out at him.

"Yes Deeks. I'm sure."

The look he responds with is almost disappointed in nature. "Oh... okay."

She knows that he's playing with her, and just trying to get her to break.

However, even with the knowledge of exactly what he's doing, Kensi just can't find it within herself to tell him no. Maybe it's that puppy dog pout? Or those baby blue eyes?

She's not sure. But whatever he's using... it's working.

"Ugh, fine. You can _try _to teach me something. But only if it's necessary."

Deeks gives her one of those crooked smiles that she loves, his face lighting up.

"Sounds great."

Kensi can hardly believe herself. She _totally j_ust gave him the upper hand- and now he's overly confident.

"It's pretty sunny out here. You want me to, uh..."

"You can't put any sunscreen on me."

Kensi just smirks as they fall into complete and utter silence.

"How did you...?"

Deeks shakes his head, pressing both lips together as her smile just continues to grow. "Wow. That was... wow."

"What?"

He contemplates her question.

"Unexpected."

"Good," Kensi says, still walking as she hops around to stand in front of him. "I like to keep you on your toes."

He grins. "Oh, I'm sure you do."

"Yo, Deeks! You ready?"

The voice calling out to him belongs to one of their other friends, Finn. Kensi evaluates the guy in his shirtless state, but for some odd reason it doesn't manage to make her heart rate pick up speed. Apparently only Deeks has the ability to do something like that.

"Yeah!" He hollars back. "We're comin!"

Kensi breaks into a full blown sprint towards the water.

"Race ya!"

Deeks chuckles, lagging behind but managing to play catch up rather easily.

They both throw their surfboards out onto the water practically in unison, Kensi almost blushing at how incredibly synchronized they seem together.

"So you see Kens," Deeks begins, paddling out beside her. "When a wave comes, you have to push up off your board like-"

"I know how to stand up, Deeks. It's pretty basic."

"Some people think it's hard."

"I'm not one of those people."

"Fine."

"Fine."

The words coming from both sides sound frank, but are actually the total opposite. He's grinning, and she's smirking. Like usual.

A wave is beginning to form on the water, the tide rising and building up more and more with the passing time.

Deeks nods at it, having to yell over the sound of the crashing waves. "You take this one!"

"You sure? It looks pretty wicked!"

He grins and shakes his head, pointing forward.

Biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hide her nervousness, Kensi decides to go for it. She paddles out further into the ocean, leaving Deeks behind. He sits up on his board, watching her as she goes.

"Think she's gonna get it?" Josh asks, suddenly appearing by his side.

Deeks shrugs, his eyes still glued forward. "I dunno. We'll see."

Both boys watch as Kensi pushes herself up on the board, surprisingly successful in catching the wave. She stretches both arms out to balance herself, and turns her head back to see who's watching.

Deeks is staring, of course. But so are about fifteen other people.

Her heart begins to race as she notices the group that has gathered. Deeks gives her a subtle thumbs up, but the small gestures proves to have a lasting negative effect.

She loses her balance, swaying side to side before tumbling off her board to the left. Falling towards the water, Kensi hits the surface with a large splash.

_Ouch. _Deeks immediately begins swimming towards her side, about to panic when she resurfaces, her head bobbing up out of the water.

She chokes and sputters for a moment, resting both elbows on the edge of her board.

"Are you okay?" He asks, the question genuinely sincere.

"Fine."

She runs a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face as she begins paddling back towards the shore, her surfboard in tow.

"You sure?"

Kensi just narrows her eyes. "I'm good."

Now that his feet can actually touch the bottom, he swims around in front of her.

"I think you might need some help."

The cheeky grin he's shooting her tells Kensi that this can only mean trouble.

"I'm _good_, Deeks," she repeats, further emphasizing the word.

He shakes his head. "It' seems that we've got ourselves a damsel-in-distress over here."

"Excuse me?"

Deeks just ignores her. "Yo, Josh! Would you do ma'lady a favor and carry her board back for me?"

His friend appears, wearing a grin of equal stupidity. "On it."

"Deeks, what you... DEEKS!"

He suddenly wraps both hands around Kensi's waist, picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder in a single fluid motion.

"It's alright! I saved her!"

_Everyone _is staring in their direction, a few students even letting out a couple of whistling noises.

"Deeks!" Kensi hollers out between laughs. "Put me down!"

He finally makes it out of the water, shaking his head furiously like a wet dog.

"It's all good, Fern! I've gotcha!"

"De-Deeks!" She's giggling uncontrollably, throwing weak punches to his back as he carries her across the beach. "Oh my GOD! Put me down!"

Finally they reach the spot where her beach towel is laying out. Deeks lowers her down onto it gently and slowly, still grinning as he got a full few of her face.

Kensi's trying damn hard not to look amused, but knows the facade is unsuccessful.

"I can't believe you just did that."

His smile widens as he continues leaning over her. Deeks assumes everyone is staring, but it's not like he cares.

"What? I like keeping you on your toes."

He delivers the words with a wink, repeating the same sentence she'd said just a short while earlier. Kensi laughs quietly, leaning her head back against the towel, both eyes avoiding Deeks' rather intense stare.

He thinks about kissing her. Strongly considers it, actually.

But Deeks doesn't want it to happen like that, with a million people watching. It would feel silly, almost like a dare- and he wants much more than that.

When he finally kisses her, Deeks wants it to be _real. _

So rather than moving forward, Deeks does the complete opposite. He grabs her hand, pulling Kensi to her feet without a single word. She almost yelps at the unexpected movement, and comes damn close to frowning at the distance that he's suddenly put between them.

"You good?" He asks once more, still breathing heavily.

She nods, her head bobbing up and down frantically. "Yeah, I'm, er... good."

"Okay. That's... great."

"Uh-huh."

Kensi pauses for a moment before smiling and jogging towards her other friends, leaving Deeks standing in the middle of the beach, awkward and the focus of everyone's gaze. Josh runs towards him to deter some of the attention.

He's smirking and shaking his head, eyes wide.

"Wow. You're getting pretty ballsy, dude."

"I'll try to take that as a compliment."

"Why didn't you kiss her?"

The question is sudden and rather loaded.

"I-I dunno."

"Come on, man. That's a weak reply." He shakes his head. "You really should've kissed her."

"With everyone around? I probably would've humiliated her!"

"So?"

Deeks stands up pin straight, furrowing both eyebrows. Josh just shoots him a rather incredulous look.

"Dude- all I'm saying is that if you feel like you wanna kiss a girl, than you should kiss her. End of story."

"No. Not if she doesn't want to be kissed."

"I completely agree. Except she _did _want to be kissed."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"How?"

Josh rolls his eyes, patting his friend on the shoulder.

"If you don't see it, than you're a moron."

"See what?"

"Okay, good to know. You're a moron."

Deeks just smirks, shaking his head. "And you're an ass. Look, now we're both making observations!"

His sarcastic tone is overcompensating, and Josh can easily tell.

"Fine. But if she slips away... than it's all on you."

Deeks' expression changes as he shifts around, resting both hands on his hips. He presses his lips into a firm line, eyes gracing over the surface of the water.

"I'm not gonna let her slip away, kay?"

Josh shrugs. "If you say so."


	5. Always Shoot First

**Structurally, this chapter is setup a tad bit differently than any other. I quite like it though, and I hope you all will as well:)**

**Please review as always!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

It just keeps getting worse and worse.

Deeks has known for weeks that it's all going to come to a head eventually, and that he will have to deal with the repercussions.

His dad just never stops drinking, nor does he ever stop allowing the habit to affect everyone else in his family- mainly just _Deeks. _

He isn't truly concerned for himself though. It's his mother's well being that worries him.

Running away would be a simple thing to do. An easy solution that could temporarily fix all of his problems.

But she would be all alone, and he just can't force himself to do that to her. Deeks is her protector, and he knows it.

So, one day it just dawns on him. Suddenly, at seventeen years of age, it is Deeks' duty to keep his mother safe.

Somehow he's supposed to manage school, friends and _a supposedly normal life, _as well as bear that weight on top of it all.

* * *

The bullet explodes from the barrel of his newly possessed gun without a second thought. When Ray had given it to him a couple of weeks prior, Deeks had never actually believed that he would need to use it.

"_Never shoot back," _he'd said. "_Always shoot first."_

Deeks recalls his new job title before firing, just in order to make himself feel better.

Her _protector._

He has to do it. There is no other choice.

Deeks can't let them both die, so there's no going back.

He calls 911 as he stumbles out the front door. The man is a bastard, but Deeks is different. He isn't a _monster. _

No, he won't allow himself to become his father.

Deeks' knees finally buckle once his feet reach the cold, dewy grass on his front lawn. He's stuck between feeling proud of himself for taking a stand, and utterly horrified at his own actions.

The sirens of the ambulance ring out in the distance, but are becoming louder and louder with the passing time.

_That means it's time to go._

He doesn't want to get drug down to the police station, just so he can answer a never ending stream of questions relating to his father.

There's one person in particular that he wants to see, someone who understands a dysfunctional family dynamic. Not to his extent,_ thank god_- but her situation still doesn't sound too good.

He stands up, almost tripping but willing his legs not to fall out from beneath him. Catching sight of flashing blue and red lights just makes him run faster and_ harder._ He picks up his feet, counting each step as he goes.

One, two, three, four... Deeks looses count after thirty.

But regardless, he must keep going. He can't get caught- they'd probably send him into foster care, or somewhere a long way away from her.

That just won't do.

* * *

Deeks can't think of anywhere else he wants to be.

He needs to be around her, or feel her presence somehow. The tears that stain his cheeks seem even more readily apparent in the bright street lights that shine down on him as he walks down the sidewalk towards her house.

His breathing is staggered from sprinting, but he tries his very best to even it out.

_Come on Deeks,_ he tells himself. _Don't cry in front of her. _

Placing one foot in front of the other he finally makes it around to the back of her house, awkwardly shoving his hands in his pockets once he gets there. Deeks lets out three quick and uneven breaths, picking up a pebble that he finds hidden in the grass.

Inspecting it, he finally comes to the conclusion that it's not gonna do to much damage on her window, and assumes it's safe to use. Swinging one arm back he chucks it in the general vicinity of her bedroom, his good aim coming in handy.

"Kens!" He hisses, hoping to get her attention without waking up Julia. "Psssst! Kensi!"

There's no response, so he immediately picks up another rock and wheels his arm back to throw it towards her.

"Deeks! What are you...?"

He lowers his arm upon seeing Kensi lean out the window, a small, halfhearted smile forming on his face.

"Hey."

Kensi cocks her head to one side.

"Hiiiiii," she replies, cautiously.

Scratching the back of his head, Deeks tries his best to show her one of his usually bright, beaming smiles.

"How are you?"

"It's two in the morning, Deeks."

"I know, but..." He swallows hard, clenching up his jaw. "Could you come down for a minute? Please?"

Normally she'd feign annoyance, or tell him to come up and see her rather than the other way around- but something in his eyes tells her not to protest.

Kensi just nods. "Er... okay. I'm coming."

Deeks awkwardly fidgets where he stands, sticking both hands into his pockets. He sees the light flick on in her room, and catches the edge of her face in the reflection as she pulls a sweatshirt over her head.

After a minute or so Kensi reappears from around the corner, exiting out the back door.

"Why are you here?" She folds both arms tightly across her chest, pulling the long sleeves of her sweatshirt down to cover her hands. "What's wrong?"

He barely grins, the expression clearly strained.

"Couldn't sleep. Just wanted to see your pretty face."

She narrows her eyes knowingly.

"Come on, Deeks. Give it up."

He shrinks back slightly, and that's when she finally notices them- the tell tale signs that he _isn't_ really okay: the tears in his eyes and the bruises that decorate his wrists and arms.

"Oh my _god, _Deeks! What happened?"

He shakes his head for a moment, eyes and mouth wide as he searches for words.

"I...I shot him."

"You _what?" _Kensi asks, her chin dropping in horror. She completely closes the gap between them, her tough stance softening. "Deeks, I mean, I..."

"He was coming at my mom, Kens. I just had to do something." He scratches the top of his head, extending one arm out as his vision blurs. "I couldn't let him kill her."

Tears well up in Kensi's eyes as she bites the skin on the inside of her mouth. She tastes something metallic, but doesn't let it stop her from slowly moving towards him, wrapping both arms around his waist.

"I'm here for you."

"I knew you would be," he says, exhaling and returning the favor by holding her back, his hands overlapping one another in the center of her back. "That's why I came here."

Kensi squeezes her arms just a little bit tighter around his midsection, closing her eyes.

"I love you, Deeks," she mumbles, the words muffled and breathy against his shirt.

In a sense of shock he immediately stiffens, both eyes widening as he pulls her away from his chest so he can see her face.

She's looking down to the ground, almost shyly. Deeks taps two fingers beneath her chin, just so that he can meet her eye line.

"What?"

Kensi closes her eyes, bracing for the worst. She should've know, really. _Of course_ he doesn't feel quite as strongly as she does.

He's the gorgeous, popular surfer boy, and she's the awkward, shy, tomboyish new girl.

So she _should've _known.

"I'm sorry, Deeks... I shouldn't-"

"Kens."

"Have just thrown that out there like that... I mean-"

"Kens?"

"You're going through so much, and I-"

"Kensi?"

"I never, _ever_ think before I speak, and now-"

He just can't take it any longer.

Deeks kisses her suddenly, pulling her head towards his and allowing one hand to remain resting on the small of her back.

She's stunned at first, and rightfully so. But quickly Kensi practically collapses into his arms, her lips pressing against his with a fury of matched intensity.

"Do I have your attention now?" Deeks asks as they finally separate.

She nods slowly, mismatched eyes wide with a hint of tearfulness. He brushes a few stray pieces of hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear.

"I was _going _to say that I love you too, Kens."

Her heart lurches up into her throat, and she can't force any more words to escape her lips. It's not like it _really _matters though. Everything necessary has already been said.

She leans back in to wrap her arms around his middle once more, not at all hesitant this time.

"What can I do? Just name it and I'll do it. You know that I will."

"Just..." He sighs. "This."

"This?" She repeats, not relenting on her grip whatsoever but moving her head up so she can see his eyes.

God, they're just so _blue._

Deeks nods, more tears coming forward to sit on the brims of his eyes.

"Just this."

* * *

_**A/N: A little disclaimer- I know that Deeks shot his dad when he was eleven, but I still wanted it to be added into the story. :)**_


	6. Stay

**Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! This story is quickly becoming my favorite, honestly. It's so different from anything I've ever done, and I am just loving the writing process that goes along with creating a storyline like this one. **

**To answer some of the questions regarding whether or not we'll see any other members of the team, I can tell you that they will make a cameo at some point- I think. Not everyone will be involved, but I have a feeling you guys will like what I've come up with. :)**

**I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review if you do! **

**-Hazel**

* * *

_"What can I do? Just name it and I'll do it. You know that I will."_

_"Just..." He sighs. "This."_

_"This?" She repeats, not relenting on her grip whatsoever but moving her head up so she can see his eyes._

_God, they're just so blue._

_Deeks nods, more tears coming forward to sit on the brims of his eyes._

_"Just this."_

She wants to do something more- maybe say something that will take a bit of the pain away.

"I wanna help, Deeks."

"I know you do. But there's nothing that can be done, honestly."

"Well..." Kensi inhales, sucking both lips into her mouth as she thinks. "What about your mom?"

He's been trying to avoid thinking about her, because the guilt immediately begins to pile itself onto his shoulders- layer by layer.

"My dad's gonna go to jail, I assume. She's safe from him."

Kensi cocks her head to one side, hardly able to process what he's telling her. She can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like- having a parent sent to prison.

It's hard for her to picture any of it, really.

"I should go," he utters suddenly, clearing his throat. "I'll call Ray, see if I can stay with him."

Deeks sniffles back a couple of stray tears, dropping his hands from around Kensi's back.

She isn't quite as keen on letting go.

"It's the middle of the night, Deeks. You're not going anywhere."

"I can't go home. Not now, and there isn't-"

"I have a couch, okay?"

He's clearly taken aback, and almost chuckles at how forward she's already being with him.

"But your mom-"

"It's fine," Kensi states, moving both of her hands up to rest on the fronts of his shoulders. "She knows you, and she likes you. Just take the couch."

"Are you sure?"

Kensi nods, completely certain of her decision. "Yes."

Deeks hesitates for only a moment, turning his head to one side. He could go, and he probably should. But it's late, and the strange culmination of emotions he's feeling definitely shouldn't be dealt with alone.

"Okay."

She smiles half heartedly, lazily dropping a quick peck to his lips before grabbing one of his hands and leading them both towards the back door.

The circumstances may be poor, but Kensi just adores the fact that she's now allowed to kiss him whenever she pleases, without having to provide any sort of a reason.

She loves him, so she gets to kiss him.

It's as simple as that.

Kensi pulls the back door closed after they're both inside, releasing his hand and pressing one finger up to her lips- as if Deeks doesn't already know that they're supposed to be silent.

He just follows her into the dimly lit living room, watching as she flicks a lamp on along the way.

"Just..." She awkwardly motions at the couch with her both of her flailing hands. "_Sit._ I'll be right back."

Deeks does as he's told, but still furrows his eyebrows. "Where are you going?"

"To talk to my mom."

He stands up, grabbing her right shoulder as she turns to walk away.

"She's gonna kill you!" He whisper-yells, eyes frantically darting around the room.

Kensi's face falls, her features softening as she stares at his deeply despondent expression. Deeks looks as if he's scared of everything and everyone.

It just _kills_ her.

In that instant, Kensi knows once and for all that her home needs to be the one place where he_ isn't_ afraid anymore. A spot where he finally feel secure and sheltered from the qualms of the outside world.

"It's gonna be alright," she says, pressing both hands against his shoulders in order to lower him down onto the couch. "Stay here."

Deeks swallows, nodding uneasily as he leans his back against the cushions.

Kensi slinks away from him, taking the thirty seconds of seclusion as a fleeting chance to revel in everything that's just happened. She can hardly believe it, but it's true. She's finally gotten him.

_Marty Deeks._

Those eyes, that smile, his complexion and...

Kensi arrives at her mother's closed bedroom door, needing a minute to remind herself that she has a very important job to do.

"Mom?" She whispers, pushing the door open.

It's now well past two in the morning, so Kensi is fully aware of the fact that her mother is still sound asleep.

She gently rattles her shoulder, watching as the woman stirs. "Hey mom?"

Those two words convince Julia to awaken from her slumber, lazily wiping both eyes as she sits up on her elbows.

"Kens? What's going on?" She asks, flicking on the light beside her bed.

"Um..." Kensi runs a hand through her hair. "It's Deeks."

"Hmmm? You mean Marty? That boy you like?"

Kensi rolls her eyes, but doesn't even bother refuting the statement.

"Yeah, but it's _Deeks. _And he's here."

Her expression grows alarmed as she points one finger towards the lower floor.

"You mean, _here_? As in-"

"He's downstairs."

Julia's clearly baffled and at a loss for words, so Kensi just sighs and tries to explain herself.

"Deeks shot his dad."

"He _what?!"_

She practically yells the words, and Kensi is relatively sure that her voice was loud enough for Deeks to hear.

_Don't run, _she chants over and over again in her head. _Just don't run._

"I- I need to call the police..." Julia says, reaching one hand out towards the corded phone sitting at her bedside table.

"Mom, no!" Kensi's hand grasps her mom's wrist, preventing the woman from moving any further forward.

"His dad was going to kill him, and his mom. Deeks _had _to do it, okay? It was self defense."

"But you don't know that-"

"His dad's an alcoholic. He's has been beaten up by him before... I've seen the bruises, mom. And I know Deeks- he wouldn't lay a hand on somebody unless it was necessary."

She slinks back, eyeing her daughter wearily. "Are you sure?"

Kensi nods profusely. "I'm positive."

"How?"

She shrugs. "Because I trust him. He'd never lie to me."

Kensi's mother pauses for just a moment before nodding. Julia herself quite likes the boy, and assumes that if Kensi trusts him, than she can too.

"Well... what do you need me to do?"

"Just stay up here. Don't bother him right now." Kensi stands, tossing her massive pile of curly brown hair behind her shoulders. "But he needs a place to stay tonight, and I was hoping we could give him the couch."

Julia smiles at her daughter's concern and generosity. She's _never_ seenKensi get quite this worked up over someone besides her father, though- so Julia understands that this Marty Deeks must be different somehow.

"Make him a nice little bed, okay? Get some linens and a pillow down from the hall closet."

Kensi nods, grinning as she spins around to exit the room. She pauses before leaving, peeking her head back in.

"Thank you, mom."

Julia smiles. "You're welcome."

She pulls the bedroom door closed, jogging towards the closet that sits between their two bedrooms. Reaching to the top shelf she manages to retrieve a comforter, a blanket, and two pillows.

Since both of her arms are fully loaded, she walks down the stairs slowly and carefully, being sure not to trip. Once Kensi hits solid ground though, she breaks into a sprint towards the family room.

"Deeks! My momma said that it's fine for you to stay the night and-"

Her pace slows to a halt upon entering, only to find that Deeks is already sound asleep.

His head is leaned back against a throw pillow, both legs curled up in order to fit within the parameters of the couch. His eyes are closed, his mouth hanging slightly ajar.

As Kensi approaches rather tentatively, she takes note of the tears that are still visible on his cheeks, glistening against the light coming from the table side lamp. She drops the stack of linens quietly down to the coffee table, and grabs a blanket from the top of the pile. Kensi gently stretches it out over him, pulling it up to cover his shoulders.

His features look surprisingly calm, almost at peace. She understands that the feeling is merely temporary, and probably won't last as they venture into what's sure to be a rough week.

But for right now, the coming days are the _least _of her worries. If he's doing alright, than so is she.

Kensi smiles fleetingly, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. Much to her surprise, Deeks stirs beneath her touch.

"Thank you Kens," he murmurs, his voice groggy and hardly even audible.

Her chin drops open just a hilt, a couple of salty water droplets dribbling down her cheeks.

"Of course."

She sits down across from him on the floor, their faces at the same level. Deeks' eyes open slightly as he smiles.

"I love you. I hope you know that."

She bobs her head up and down, leaning back against the coffee table.

"I know."

Deeks shuts his eyes once more, something resembling a smirk washing over his face.

"You sure? 'Cause I really do love you."

She chuckles, the sound distant and muffled to his tired ears.

"_Sleep, _okay?"

Deeks nods, his voice breathy as he slips into oblivion, allowing the darkness to take him.

"Yes Fern."


	7. Nobody Knows

**Hello! Y'all are all amazing, as usual. Before you read this chapter, I briefly wanted to share with you my thoughts on the little 'I love you' confession that was made in chapters 5 and 6. Here, Kensi and Deeks are ****_different. _****They're teenagers, and teenagers tend to say what they're feeling without a second though. (I am a teen, so I sympathize.) They're young, naïve and can act purely on instinct. **

**This isn't to downplay their confession whatsoever, because it was supposed to be 100% real. But I just wanted to say that, solely so you guys would keep it in mind as we proceed. :)**

**Please review as always! ****_Muah! _**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi walks down the stairs on the tips of her toes, hoping not to arouse Deeks if he's still sleeping. She yawns, the sound carrying across the small square footage of her house.

If possible, she would've stayed in bed for another hour or so. But with her _sorta-kinda-maybe-but-still-definitely _boyfriend just a floor below, she'd found catching some rest to be a rather trying task.

Peering her head around the doorway, she's shocked to find the couch completely empty. The blankets are folded up into a neat stack, the room completely desolate.

"Deeks?" She calls, making her way into the kitchen.

_No response. _

Glancing out the front window, her eyes catch on his swiftly moving figure. All she can see is a mop of unruly blond hair, but that's enough for her to know that it's him.

Clad in only a tee shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants, Kensi runs out after him.

"Deeks!" She yells, tossing the front door open.

_Dammit. _

He was hoping to slip away just like that. No explanation, no word. Deeks would call her later, and say that he was sorry for leaving. That he'd just needed some space to think and _breathe._

Upon waking up, everything had just hit him all at once. Exhaustion had almost wiped his mind clean as he'd fallen asleep that night, but by the morning the memories were clear as day.

He shot his own father. The man could be dead for all Deeks knew, but he hadn't really waited around to find out.

So he is just _walking. _No final destination, but keeping a brisk pace regardless.

"Deeks!"

Kensi calls out to him again, her voice just a touch more frantic the second time around.

He slows down as she runs through the dewy grass, stopping directly in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"Um... walking."

She rolls her eyes, placing a hand on either hip.

"I'm asking _where, _Deeks."

He swallows, shoving a hand in each of his coat pockets. "Not sure. I just needed some space, I guess."

"Some space?" She repeats.

"Yeah."

"Why? What's wrong?"

Deeks can't tell if she's completely blanking on why he'd come over in the first place, or if she's just hoping to forget about it entirely.

"What do you _think, _Kens? I shot my dad!"

She slowly drops her eyes down to the pavement, mumbling a hushed apology.

"He could be dead, you know. But I didn't even bother sticking around to see. I _ran._"

"It's not your fault. You did the right thing-"

"How do you know that? Maybe I'm no better than him!" Deeks exclaims, heatedly taking a step forward._ "_And what if I killed him? What will I do then?"

Kensi doesn't have an answer for him.

"I... I don't know."

Deeks nods, fresh tears glistening in his bright blue eyes.

"Exactly. Nobody does."

He clenches up his jaw, maneuvering away from Kensi.

"Deeks, wait!"

As he just keeps on moving she turns to watch him go, silently wondering where he's headed and why she can't be there too.

* * *

_It's been three days._

No phone call, no text message. Not a single word letting her know that he's alright. That his father is either alive or dead.

There's just... _nothing._

She gets that he needs some space- she's honestly trying to understand it. Maybe if Kensi was in his place, she'd be feeling the exact same way? It's hard to sympathize when her life experiences are nothing like his.

But even with that in mind, Kensi can't make his sudden absence from her life hurt any less.

Deeks said that he loved her. _Twice. _A confession of that caliber is supposed to mean that she gets to help him work through all of it. The good and the bad.

Somehow though, the lines have become blurred. Rather than being allowed in, Kensi's been shut out- isolated from his life completely.

But he's still on her mind_ constantly. _

Every word they'd said to one another on that Friday night. Every look, every tear, every embrace. No matter what, she just can't seem to move past any of it.

Then suddenly, it's Monday. Kensi assumes that she'll finally get to see him, and maybe pry some answers out of him.

Except there's a problem. _H_e's_ not at school._

She's concerned during first period, but doesn't panic too much. _Maybe he's just late? _

But then her second class of the day comes along- and once again, no Deeks. They have separate third period classes though, so when the time finally rolls around she's anxiously tapping her foot, waiting to get out for lunch.

The bell rings and Kensi sprints towards the doorway, tossing her backpack over her shoulder as she runs. The line for food is too long so she just avoids it altogether, her eyes scanning the room for Deeks.

Her heart drops when her she doesn't find him anywhere. No head of wavy blond hair. No crooked grin.

It's time to panic, and she knows it. Had he gone home on Saturday morning, only to be taken away again? Foster care? _Juvy? _Her mind can only go to the worst possible conclusion.

Another thought pops into her head though, one that gives her a momentary sense of hopefulness.

Kensi avoids the stares of her friends and classmates, spinning around and hastily walking through the hallway- towards the courtyard. She pauses at her locker, throwing her backpack inside and not even bothering to lock it up before leaving again.

Stepping outide Kensi finds that it's pouring down rain, but she could care less. She shoves the door open, shivering as the water droplets catch on her hair and spill down the back of her neck.

In only a matter of seconds, she perks up- her pulse coming to a standstill.

He's _there. _

Sitting on a table in the center of an empty courtyard, alone and staring down at his hands. No jacket, just a damp tee shirt and pair of old, ripped jeans.

"Deeks!" Kensi hollers out as she approaches, both arms crossed firmly across her chest. Now that she knows he's alright, the anger that had been previously pushed aside in favor of worry begins bubbling up to the surface.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She yells, running towards him.

He lifts his head, both eyes wide. But despite her rather aggressive demeanor, Deeks still manages to smile as he hops up from the bench. He's been expecting this- she is a spitfire, after all.

Kensi's thrown off by his reaction, but tries to continue on as if she's not.

"Where have you been! You said that you _loved _me, Deeks! That's supposed to mean something, but you didn't bother to call or text me for _three _days! I was terrified! I thought-"

Deeks presses his lips to hers, stealing the end of her sentence. This is becoming a regular recurrence- kissing Kensi just to shut her up.

He doesn't think it's too bad of a deal, and neither does she.

One hand cups her face, the other resting against her back. Kensi resists him for about three seconds, but can't keep her aggravated facade up for too long. She should probably view it as a rude interruption. _Maybe._

But Kensi's heart is already his, so she assumes that she'll just have to put up with it.

_Oh well._

"I'm sorry I didn't call," he murmurs finally.

She simply nods. The girl is a sucker for those baby blues.

"I know."

"I missed this."

Deeks drops another quick and rather lazy kiss to her lips.

"So did I. But will you ever just let me finish a thought?" Kensi asks, leaning her forehead against his.

"Not when I wanna kiss you."

Her eyes drift away from his, searching the space behind him.

"You know that we're at school, right?"

"I do."

"We could get in trouble."

He shrugs. "I've already skipped three classes."

A smile floods Kensi's features. "Then why not skip a few more?"

She desperately wants to get out of there- all day it's felt like she's gonna suffocate. A combination of an absent Deeks, florescent lights and heavily bleached floors.

Driving around with him towards an undetermined final destination will make her feel better, no doubt about it.

"You wanna get out of here?"

"I mean... it's _raining. _We could catch a cold. Leaving school early is probably in our best interest."

He nods, winking. "For our health."

Kensi smirks, reaching for his hand.

"Exactly. _For our health_."


	8. Skipping Town

**My apologies for the lack of updates- my life has been insane this past week. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter, and please review as always! :)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

"_You wanna get out of here?"_

"_I mean... it's raining. We could catch a cold. Leaving school early is probably in our best interest."_

_He nods, winking. "For our health."_

_Kensi smirks, reaching for his hand. _

"_Exactly. It's for our health."_

Deeks pulls Kensi along, sprinting towards the parking lot. Surprisingly enough, his car is parked in the very front of the building. Kensi hops inside, slamming her door shut and waiting for him to do the same before she asks a very obvious question.

"Deeks! Are you _trying _to get yourself expelled?"

He flips his key into the ignition, throwing the car into reverse.

"What are you talking about?"

"That-" She points forward to where the car was previously idling. "-is a teacher's parking spot."

"She wasn't here today. I'm merely borrowing it in her absence."

Kensi snorts, shaking her head. "You're crazy."

Deeks shrugs. "Maybe."

She smiles out the window as they drive away, leaning her chin on her hand and wondering when it'll be the right time to start asking questions.

"He lived, by the way."

Kensi cranes her neck around, a sense of relief flooding her features. Not because his dad's alive- she wouldn't mind if the guy was dead.

She's only relaxed as a result of the Deeks' calm demeanor while he says the simple statement, and the fact that Kensi doesn't have to start grilling him about what she's missed in his absence.

"Well, are you...?"

"What? Glad that he's alive?"

Kensi nods and Deeks shrugs, one hand on the steering wheel.

"I don't know... I mean, I wouldn't mind if he was dead. He can't ruin my life from the grave."

"He can't ruin your life from prison, either."

Deeks doesn't seem convinced. "You would be surprised. He already tried to kill me once."

"Look, Deeks- you're safe now. Just believe it, okay?"

He exhales, nodding.

"So... how's your mom doing?"

Deeks is anticipating the question, and scratches the back of his neck as he tries to find an answer.

"I don't know."

She narrows her eyes, staring at him incredulously. "You don't know? How do you _not know__?"_

He cowers back slightly. "I, um... haven't really been home much. I just stopped in to see if my dad lived, that's it."

The statement sounds so blatant and nonchalant- almost to an alarming extent.

"Where have you been staying, then?"

"Either in my car or with Ray."

"The guy who gave you the gun?"

"Yeah."

Kensi hates that he snuck away from her, only to go and see someone else. Deeks senses this, and immediately tries to cover his tracks.

"Look, Kensi... I just needed some space for a few days. I couldn't go back to my house, not yet anyways. And when it comes to Ray... he's the closest thing I have to a brother. He gets it, too."

"Is his-"

"Yeah," Deeks states dryly. "His dad was abusive too."

She pauses for a moment, taking in the information as it's given to her.

"_Was_ abusive?"

"He went to prison three years back. After he graduated, Ray got his own place."

Kensi nods, looking down to her lap. "Well... if you ever need somewhere to stay, then my 'couch' offer still stands."

After everything that's happened between them up until this point, Deeks really shouldn't be surprised by the offer.

But this boy isn't exactly used to 'compassion'.

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"I'm not sure how fond your mom is of me."

"What gave you that impression?"

Deeks just shrugs. "I dunno. I come to your house in the middle of the night, throw rocks at your window, makeout with you in the middle of the front lawn... Oh, and I own a gun. Not exactly a mother's first choice for her daughter."

"You trying to scare me off?"

"No."

"Good. Because you were unsuccessful."

He's not convinced.

"I'm serious though, Kens. Your mom's not gonna like me."

"She _already_ likes you. She let you sleep on the couch once, remember?"

Deeks drives the car onto some sort of a desolate country backroad to avoid traffic, scanning his surroundings and letting a quiet "yeah, okay," escape his lips as they change lanes.

"Deeeeks?" Kensi asks, her tone almost accusatory as she glances around.

Deeks raises his eyebrows, still driving along. "Hmmm?"

"Where are we going, exactly?"

He smiles. "No idea."

She jets out her lower lip, staring at the ceiling of his car. "But...?"

The sound of her voice slowly dwindles away as his grin widens, and the cheekiness of his expression isn't lost on her.

"But what? You up for an adventure, Blye?"

Kensi snorts, but returns her gaze to meet his with a newfound sincerity.

"Really?"

He shrugs. "Why not?"

"Just..." She shakes her head, all hesitation leaving her voice. "Okay. Fine. Let's do it."

"Do what?" Deeks asks. He's hoping for just a bit more enthusiasm than that.

Kensi chuckles, pointing one finger towards the open road in front of them.

"_Drive."_

* * *

He follows her orders without protest, doing exactly as Kensi just told him too.

Deeks is simply _driving._

There is no destination set in stone, no place to be- just the open road and a couple of teenagers who are dying to escape the confines of their town.

About two hours in, Kensi props her legs up on the dashboard, folding both hands behind her head.

"This is nice."

He snorts, but is still unable to disagree. "Yeah."

"What was that about?"

"Huh?"

"You laughed."

"Oh, nothing. It's just nice because _I'm _the one doing all of the driving."

Kensi leans her head against the side window so her eyes are meeting his.

"I thought you _loooooved _to drive."

"I do. But we're not going anywhere."

"Isn't that the plan?"

"Yeah, and it still is. But I haven't eaten lunch, Fern. Your boy is _starving."_

She ignores his use of the phrase 'you're boy,' deciding she'll tuck it away for another time.

"I haven't eaten either!" Kensi exclaims, eyes wide as she wraps an arm around her midsection. "I didn't want to bug you about getting food, that's all!"

"Then what the hell are we doing?!"

She laughs at his loudly voiced question, smiling and throwing both hands up in the air.

"I don't know! You're the one who's driving!"

"We need to find _food, _Fern!"

"That's a good idea, but you need to stop calling me Fern!"

"Why are you yelling?!"

"I'm not sure, but I think you started it!"

"_You_ started it!"

"I don't think I did!"

"Whatever!"

He's silent for a beat before busting over laughing, trying to keep his eyes focused on the road ahead.

"Deeks!" One of Kensi's hands grabs at the steering wheel, straightening it out. "You're going to run us off the road!"

"Then don't make me laugh!"

"We should probably stop yelling at each other," Kensi says, finally lowering her voice as she leans back into the seat.

"Yeah, that was exhausting."

"I think you're just hungry."

"Probably."

Deeks' eyes dart around frantically. The ocean is to his right, grass and dirt to his left.

"Where the hell are we, anyways?"

Kensi's eyes widen, a tiny giggle escaping her lips.

"I have no clue."

There aren't any cars, nor is there a single traffic sign saying anything regarding their destination- only the speed limit. _75 mph._

"I don't think we're in LA anymore."

He snorts. "Ya don't say?"

"Don't be a smartass. Look-" She points out at the water. "We're still near the ocean, that could mean something."

"Sorry Kens, but the entire western coastline of California is _near the ocean."_

She shakes her head, narrowing both eyes. "I'm gonna kill you."

"I sure hope not. We're out in the middle of nowhere. That's kind of a freaky thing to say."

"I'm kind of a 'freaky' gal."

Deeks bites his bottom lip, desperately trying to stifle a laugh. Kensi sees his face and immediately throws a quick jab to his arm.

"Geez! You put it out there, not me!"

"I hate you."

She leans back in the seat, folding both arms. There's a slight smile pulling up at the corners of her mouth though, and Deeks easily catches it.

"Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you're homicidally angry?"

"Deeks-"

"Shhh. See this?" He waves one hand in a circular motion around her face. "You're stunning."

Kensi rolls her eyes, hoping that Deeks won't catch the grin that is completely overpowering her sense of annoyance.

He notices, of course.

"Good. So you do see it."

Once again Deeks refocuses his attention back on the road, one hand resting leisurely on the top of the steering wheel.

"Deeks!"

The screeching sound causes him to swerve. By the frantic tone in her voice, Deeks genuinely believes that he's run over something. Or _someone._

"What's wrong?!"

Her pointer finger is aimed at a blurry, distant object on the beach.

"Is that a taco truck? _Please_ tell me that's a taco truck."

Kensi looks over to Deeks, who's squinting as he follows her line of sight.

"It _is_ a taco truck!"

He raises one hand up in the air, giving her a high five.

"This is awesome. We aren't gonna die."

"I was never gonna let you die, Kensalina."  
_  
"Kensalina?!"_

"Yeah." He grins, pulling off the road and down onto the empty beach. "You freak out when I call you Fern, so I need another nickname."

_"Kensalina_ is longer than my actual name."

"Nicknames don't necessarily have to be shorter."

"That's usually the point of having one."

"Not in my mind."

She sighs. "At least it's better than Fern."

Deeks laughs as he throws the car into park, whipping off his seatbelt.

"Don't fret, my dear. You'll_ always _be Fern."


	9. Our Thing

**You guys are being absolutely wonderful, as usual. I'm loving all of the positive feedback, and hoping to keep my updates consistent! The reviews and messages are wonderful motivators for me, and I smile each time I get the notifications:) Thanks for all of the love and support!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi and Deeks hop out of the car, leaving all belongings behind as they trudge forty feet or so over towards the taco truck. She has to almost run in order to catch up with Deeks, who's moving at a rather swift pace.

He's _starving. _

Kensi looks around, noticing that the beach is almost completely desolate, just two or three random people lounging out on towels. She's appreciative of this fact- they practically have the place all to themselves.

As she moves forward to stand beside Deeks, Kensi reads over her options. _Chicken tacos, steak tacos, fish tacos, tuna tacos. _Just lots and lots of _tacos. _

"Hello," Deeks says politely to the man inside. He's tall and overweight, his head adorned with salt and pepper colored locks. He smiles at Deeks' greeting, nodding back.

"Hey there kids! What can I get ya?"

Deeks looks over to Kensi, eyebrows raised. "What sounds good?"

She shrugs. "Just get me whatever you're getting. I'm gonna grab my wallet from the truck."

"Fish tacos?" He asks, speaking in part to both Kensi and their new friend.

"Sounds good."

The man in the truck nods, and disappears away from the window. Deeks turns just a moment after she's begun to walk away.

"You know, you could let me buy lunch for you!"

"I think this is probably more like dinner," she hollers back.

"Okay, then dinner! Let me buy you dinner."

"I can pay for my own food, Deeks!"

"I know, but you don't have to!"

"Maybe, but I-" She stops, her back still turned to him.

"Kens? You good?"

Slowly she rotates around, pivoting on her heels. Her face is morphed into a grimace.

"I don't have my backpack."

"Huh?"

"I left it at school. In my locker."

"What was inside?"

"Everything."

He tilts his head towards one shoulder, lifting his eyebrows.

"That explains why your mother still hasn't called."

"Probably."

She rubs her eyes before throwing both hands in the air.

"Whatever. There's nothing we can do about it now.

"That's the spirit!" Deeks exclaims, grinning widely as he nods his chin towards the car. "You can wait over there if ya want. This one is on me."

"I don't have money, so there's no other choice, actually."

"Ah. Touche."

Kensi rolls her eyes, trudging back over to his truck. She knows that her mother is most likely _extremely _angry with her for ditching school and leaving town without a single word, but Kensi can't bring herself to care. Not even a little bit.

She leans her back against the grill, it's warmth still emulating through despite the engine being cut. Standing there and having no clue where they are is slightly disconcerting, but mainly just thrilling.

This isn't usual Kensi Blye behavior, as 'spontaneity' is a work scarcely used in her vocabulary. She likes plans, order and structure.

But this, with him... it's just _different_ somehow.

"Tacos?"

Deeks reappears at Kensi's side, his smile wide as he hands her a small paper plate with two fish tacos. She takes them willingly, wiggling her fingers in anticipation as she snatches them away from him.

"Thank _god."_

As Kensi begins devouring her food, Deeks just looks on in amusement.

"I'm not gonna take it away from you."

"Huh?"

He smiles as she looks up.

"Hush now, boy. I'm enjoying my meal."

"I wouldn't really call this enjoyment. Are you even chewing?"

"Yes, I am chewing."

"Can you taste it?"

"Yes, I can taste it. I have no idea what it is, but I can taste it."

"It's fish."

"Or deep-sea surprise."

"I know what it is."

"You do?"

He nods, taking another quick bite out of his taco.

"Uh-huh. It's Lake Superior white fish. I'd say caught in a gill net.. probably 2 or 3 days ago."

Kensi sighs. "You're ridiculous."

"What? I'm a surfer, I know my fish."

"You don't even know what town we're in. How can you know where the fish comes from?"

"I do know where we are. Bob told me."

"Bob?"

Deeks nods with a grin, nudging his head back towards the food truck.

"That's Bob. He says we're in Encinitas."

Her eyes widen. "Seriously? We drove for that long?"

"The sun's going down, so... yeah. We did."

Kensi just shrugs it off, looking out towards the water. The pink, orange and red sunset is slowly dawning upon them. The sun drowns in the horizon, its rays of light glimmering as the bright blue color of the sky slowly fades and the pale moon peers at them from behind the stars.

Deeks studies Kensi's features, watching as the sun dances across her face and somehow seems to make her eyes appear as an even more vivid shade of brown than usual.

"Kens?"

"Hmm?"

A long moment passes before she can tear her eyes away from the water.

He's grinning,_widely,_ and she just can't seem to figure out why.

"I've got an idea. Stand over there for a minute?"

Kensi furrows her eyebrows, but still does as she's told. Deeks hops into his truck, reversing back out onto the main road. _Where the hell is he going?_

The car makes a u-turn, and Kensi can see Deeks' wide grin as he backs the car down onto the beach once more- this time with the bed of the truck facing the water.

"Much better," He says as Kensi approaches, inspecting his parking job with admiration.

"Why'd you do that?"

Deeks smiles. "So I can do _this."_

He opens one of the doors to the cab, grabbing two sleeping bags and motioning for Kensi to get the blankets.

"Why do you have all this?" She asks, both eyes wide.

"I've slept in here a couple of nights, remember?" He says, unlatching the tailgate and hoisting himself effortlessly into the bed. "Ya gotta be prepared for cold weather."

He says the statement with a smile and laugh, but she can still see a hint of looming sadness in his baby blues. The mere idea of _that_ being his life causes Kensi's heart to drop into her stomach.

He deserves so much more.

"It's really not that bad," Deeks mutters as he sees her expression.

"Doesn't sound too fun," she replies, handing him a stack of blankets.

He takes them willingly, continuing to stack one on top of another.

"You don't need to worry about me."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do!"

Deeks stands up tall at Kensi's exclamation, looking down at her with pleading eyes.

She exhales, trying to get herself together.

"Now that we have... a _thing_, it means I'm going to worry about you. A lot. And you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"Is that what we're calling this?" He asks, motioning between the two of them.

"Huh?"

"We have a _thing?"_

Kensi still seems content with her description and nods.

"Yeah. I mean... it's a thing. We have a thing."

He just smirks, not saying a single word.

"But... isn't that what you would call it? A _thing?"_

Deeks extends one hand out towards Kensi, who hops up into the truck with out a moment of hesitation.

"If that's what you want to call it, than sure."

She smiles, plopping down onto the mountain of blankets.

"Good, then. We have a thing."

Deeks nods and sits down beside her, draping one arm around both her shoulders as he stares out at the setting sun.

"We have a thing."

Kensi sighs, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I like our thing."

He smiles despite knowing she can't see his face, and drops a lingering kiss to the top of her head.

"So do I."


	10. It's Her

**Greetings from 30,000 feet! I'm currently on a plane, heading back home after the holidays:) My updating schedule should be a bit more consistent now that I'm no longer away... but enough about me! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter, and please review as always! :)**

-**Hazel**

* * *

"_We have a thing."_

_Kensi sighs, leaning her head on his shoulder._

"_I like our thing."_

_Deeks smiles despite knowing she can't see his face, and drops a lingering kiss to the top of her head._

"_So do I."_

"I think we should just live here," he says after a moment of complete silence, nothing there to interrupt them but the sound of crashing waves and a couple of noisy seagulls.

Kensi chuckles sleepily, shaking her head against his chest. She can't deny that it's beautiful, because it is.

"You're ridiculous."

"Nope, just brilliant. We can hang with Bob every day, go surfing, eat tacos-"

"And never receive our high school diplomas?"

Deeks pauses, jetting out his lower lip.

"Valid point."

"Thank you." The sun is continuing to drop behind the horizon and she stares out with narrowed eyes, watching what looks like a living painting. "I don't think my father would approve either."

"Probably not."

Deeks cringes at the mere thought of angering Kensi's dad. _Bad idea._

"Where is he, anyways?"

She shrugs, but Deeks can still feel her stiffen at the question.

"I have no clue."

"Do you know when he's coming home?"

"He told me that he'd be back for my birthday."

"When's that?"

"Two weeks."

His eyes widen. "_Two weeks?"_

"Yeah."

"You haven't even mentioned it yet!"

"I've never been a big 'birthday' person."

He just looks forward, stupefied.

"Huh. That's... huh."

"What?"

"I love birthdays."

"You do?"

"Yup. So you better not forget about mine."

"You have to tell me when it is first."

"The eighth of January."

"Okay." She pats his chest. "I won't forget."

"You better not."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

Kensi laughs. "You're crazy."

"But do you promise?"

"Sure," she mutters, smiling. "I promise."

"Good. Because if you _didn't _remember, I'd probably cry."

"I'm sure you would."

"It would be a huge hit to my ego."

"Then maybe I should forget- on purpose, of course. We don't want my dad to think you're cocky and rude."

"Right."

A couple seconds pass before Deeks finally understands the implication she's just made. He sits up tall, forcing her to do the same.

"Whoa there, Kens. What did you just say?"

Her expression could almost be described as sheepish, but it's strongly mixed with a sense of pride.

"Well... I thought you too could meet, and maybe-"

He holds up both hands. "Hold on. Me, meet your _dad?" _

"Yeah." Kensi doesn't understand why he would be at all intimidated by the possibility. "What's wrong with that? You two will get along great."

"You seem to forget that I don't have the best of luck with fathers."

"As long as you don't shoot him, we should be fine."

"Wow. That's..."

"Too soon?"

"No, no. Completely accurate. Hence my hesitation to meet him."

"_Hence_ nothing. It's gonna be fine. He'll love you."

The tension begins to leave Kensi's frame, and she settles her head back onto his chest.

He sighs. "I don't know if I believe you."

"Name one reason why he wouldn't like you."

"Easy. I could make a spreadshee_t filled _with statistics. Or a bar graph... maybe even a powerpoint presentation with one of those cool laser pointer thingys-"

"_Deeks."_

"Mmm-hmm?"

"It'll be great. Just... be yourself."

He snorts. "That is, without a doubt, the most cliché thing you've ever said to me."

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know. You could tell me to be my usual charming, funny, witty self."

"Or _not."_

"You're mean."

"Only to you. It should be taken as a compliment."

He huffs, strongly resembling the proverbial petulant child.

"I'm not gonna do that."

Kensi rolls her eyes. "Your maturity will surely impress him."

"Thanks."

"That was sarcastic, Deeks."

"Ugh. Whatever."

She doesn't reply, and instead just crafts her mouth up into a smirk.

"Okay. I see your point."

"Thank you," Kensi murmurs, closing her eyelids.

She tightens the grip of both her arms around his waist, still wearing a small, sleepy smile.

"He really will love you. I promise."

"We shouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make promises that we can't keep."

Kensi's tired, and doesn't find it necessary to sit up again.

"What else have I promised, exactly?"

"You said that you won't forget my birthday."

"I can keep that promise."

"What month is it in?'

"January," she says with minimal effort, not missing a beat.

"What day?"

"The eighth."

"Good," Deeks replies simply, nodding. Kensi can hear a smile in his voice. "Your memory is impressive."

She sighs. "Gimme a couple of minutes. Maybe I'll have forgotten it by then."

"What are you-"

"Kidding."

"Your sense of humor needs some work."

"Does it now?"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. You're using reflection to try and sound smart. It's not working."

"Is that so?"

"Are you really-" He looks down to see her grinning, both rows of teeth visible. "Okay. Nicely done."

"I'm smart. Get used to it."

The comment doesn't come out sounding snappy like Kensi means for it to, but her mind is tired and as a result her voice isn't clipped.

"It's gonna be great," she adds.

Deeks doesn't even need to prompt her with a question, as he knows that she's referring to her dad.

"What if he doesn't approve?"

She shrugs. "I dunno. We'll figure it out."

"That's vague."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Still vague."

Kensi exhales, her eyes still shut.

"He'll like you." She pauses for emphasis. "If not... you can just shoot him."

"Is this ever gonna end?"

"No."

The answer is direct enough. No room for negotiation.

"Fine. But if you're gonna keep that up, it means I still get to call you Fern."

Kensi chuckles because she loves him, and the compromise seems small enough.

"Okay," she states with a heavy, grumbling sigh.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this decision later on."

"Probably. _Especially_ if I call you Fern in front of your dad."

She wrinkles her features up into a grimace.

"Don't."

"You know what? He'll probably just laugh along with me."

Kensi pictures the chain of events in her head, and the mental imagery it provides her with is surprisingly satisfying. The two of them together, taking great pleasure in teasing her about the unwanted nickname is somehow a strange mixture of a heartwarming moment and a simply humiliating one.

"Maybe you're right."

"I'm definitely right."

"Okay."

"No rebuttal?"

"I'm tired."

"Alright," he says quietly, stroking her curly brown locks. "That's fine."

Kensi's jaw nearly pops as she yawns widely.

"You should sleep."

Nothing sounds better, so she nods willingly.

"Okay."

Deeks checks his watch as her breathing deepens. _Eight o'clock. _They should probably go back.

Actually, that isn't really much of a question. They should _definitely _go back. But god- she's just about to fall asleep and Deeks is far too comfortable to move.

The repercussions could be hefty, as he knows that Julia will most certainly be angry at the both of them for such a flagrantly defiant act. On the other hand it's possible that she could sympathize- maybe see their point of view, and understand why they'd want to escape.

He isn't sure though, and still desires a bit of confirmation before making a decision.

"Kens?"

All he hears is some heavy breathing and a funny sounding snore. _Of course_ she's a snorer.

In the light of the setting sun, Deeks smiles and leans his head back against the rear window. For days he's been looking for something that could make him feel good again. A sense of peace and quiet; structure and order.

Nothing has seemed to do the job, though. His mind always ends up drifting back to a dark place, the troubling thoughts completely unassailable.

But, as he looks down to see Kensi's mouth hanging slightly ajar and her eyes tightly closed, Deeks finally understands why that's been the case. He hasn't been needing something, he's been needing someone.

Deeks grins. _It's her._


	11. Gone

**Just so you all know- many facts we've learned about their past lives will be playing into this story. It's AU... but in a way it's totally ****_not. _****You'll see what I mean very soon. :)**

**Please review as always! **

**-Hazel**

* * *

Her eyes flutter open, the morning sun piercing them with a bright orange glow. Immediately, Kensi knows _exactly_ where she is, and smiles upon finding that her head is still resting against Deeks' chest.

She inhales his scent, which is strongly reminiscent of axe body wash and some type of musky cologne she doesn't recognize. Whatever it is, it's practically intoxicating as it mixes with the salt in the air.

Deeks' eyes are closed, but his nose is doing this cute little twitchy thing that she just adores. _Could it mean something? _Internally, she shrugs it off. _Eh. Probably nothing._

Kensi tries to move around a bit but comes to find that she's tightly bundled up, with one of Deeks' arms wound securely around her waist. Right now, with him, she feels safe and secure.

His beating heart fills her ears, the pace slow and even. As Kensi's eyes dance around his face, she notes how the wavy blond hair on his head shines in the light, the flaxen hue gleaming brighter than it ever has before.

Kensi doesn't know how it's possible that was able to find such an incredible guy, or how they've come to form such an unbreakable bond. The logistics of it all don't really matter, though.

They found one another, and that's the only fact that counts.

Deeks begins to stir beside her, squinting as he lazily moves one hand up to try and shield his eyes from the sun. She chuckles at the lethargic movement, and watches with a smile as he begins to remember exactly where he is.

_Laying beside Kensi in the bed of his truck._ Not a bad place to be.

"Hey," she mumbles, her voice soft.

Deeks grins, adjusting his body so their faces are almost touching.

"Hey," he replies, brushing the tip of his nose against hers.

She's so strikingly beautiful that his breath hitches, the air getting caught up in his lungs. Deeks has never seen her smile like that before- wearing an expression that mirrors pure blissfulness.

"How'd you sleep?" Deeks asks, exhaling and closing his eyes.

"Really well. I never would've pegged the bed of a truck for being this comfortable."

"I think it's me."

"You?"

"Yes, me. I'm your very own personal heater."

"The blankets are pretty warm too."

"I'm not buying it."

"Which part?"

"Aren't I better than a wad of fabric?"

She pretends to contemplate the question, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Fine. You're better than the blankets."

He grins, dropping a lazy kiss to her lips.

"Thank you."

Kensi's heart begins to pound, and judging by the small amount of space that's between them she assumes Deeks can hear the change in speed. By now, she should be used to kissing him.

But this is _Marty Deeks_. He's always going to take her by surprise, and she knows it.

"You good, Fern?"

"Hm?"

"Your heart. I think it's palpitating."

She blushes. "My heart's fine."

"You sure?" He asks, wearing a cheeky grin.

"Yup."

Kensi's ready to be done with this topic of discussion, so she burrows herself closer to him. Deeks _easily _takes the hint.

"Okay. Shutting up now."

With a smile, she closes her eyes once more.

* * *

Around two hours later, they begrudgingly grab the blankets and sleeping bags from the bed of the truck, loading them into the backseat before hitting the road. Neither Kensi nor Deeks wants to leave, as they have no clue what could be waiting for them back home.

But the longer they stay away, the worse it's going to get.

"Should we stop by school and get your bag first?" Deeks asks as they begin to cross into more familiar territory. LA is just a couple of exits away.

Kensi shakes her head, massaging her temples.

"No, no. I really don't wanna see all the missed calls right now."

He clenches up his jaw, but tries to make his tone sound comforting.

"I'm sure it'll all be fine."

"Probably not, actually."

"We'll figure it out."

"That's the same thing I said to you yesterday, and you told me that I was being vague."

"That was a completely different scenario."

"Not at all."

"It was about your dad."

"So?"

He sighs, shaking his head.

"_So... _that was about meeting your father. _This _is about sneaking away for one night. How mad can she get?"

There isn't an ounce of hesitation in her voice. "Really mad."

"Haven't you ever skipped school before?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Yes. Why do you keep asking me so many questions?"

"Because I'm surprised!"

She chuckles, furrowing both eyebrows. "Do I seem like a 'bad kid' to you?"

"Not really. But you didn't hesitate to run away for an impromptu road trip with your boyfriend, so I'm not sure any more."

_Boyfriend. __Boyfriend. __Boyfriend. _

The word plays on repeat in Kensi's head, but she tries not to seem affected by its use.

"Sometimes people change."

The comment seems oddly sincere for the statement he's presented her with. Deeks quickly sneaks a glance her way, bemused.

"Yeah. Sometimes."

They drive in silence for forty minutes or so, the radio vaguely playing in the background. To Kensi's surprise, as some overplayed song by Hanson comes on, Deeks immediately begins to sing along. His voice is soft, slow... almost soothing.

She is completely taken aback, her chin dropping in awe. Deeks is gorgeous, smart, funny, charming, flirtatious, _and _a shockingly good singer.

No, he can't be real. Probably a figment of her own imagination.

She reaches for her water bottle from the cupholder, almost feeling lightheaded. Deeks sings another line or two before trailing off, noticing Kensi's wide eyed expression.

"You good?"

She chugs down a long swig of water. "I didn't know you could sing, too."

Both eyebrows pop up at her peculiar wording. "_Too? _What is this in addition to, exactly?"

"You just..." Deeks is smiling out the front windshield. Kensi knows exactly what she wants to say, but worries that giving him too much of an ego boost could have a negative effect.

"I just _what?"_ He asks after she fails to complete the statement.

"You..._ surprise me, _that's all."

"How is my beautiful voice surprising?"

"I've never heard you sing before, Deeks."

He cocks his head to one side. "But... haven't I told you about the band?"

Her eyes come damn close to popping out of her skull.

"The _band? _What band?"

"My band."

"Your band?!"

"Well, it's not exactly _mine. _There's Josh, Mike, Joey, Alan-"

"I think you're missing the big picture here."

"And what's that?"

She laughs, tossing both hands in the air.

"You're in a _band!"_

"I know that."

Kensi rolls her eyes. "Clearly. But I didn't."

"You do now."

She nearly groans. "_God_, you're a smartass."

"Just trying to lighten the mood, Kensalina."

"Okay. But what's it called?"

"What are you talking about? The band?"

"Yeah,_ Sherlock_- the band."

"You're rather sassy today."

"Really? Haven't noticed." He smirks in the silence. "Wanna answer my question, Deeks?"

"Touching Wood."

"That's the name?"

"Yup."

_"Touching wood?"_

He smiles. "Yeah."

Kensi snorts, unable to stifle the laughter as she buckles forward.

"No freaking way._Touching wood?"_

"Yeah."

"But really? Like, that's the actual name? _Touching wood?"_

"Why do you keep repeating it? It's cool!"

Kensi just snorts once more, waving one hand in the air.

"You are so the opposite of cool."

"So.. that's hot? You think I'm hot?" He shrugs. "That's cool."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

"Deeks-"

"I know you think I'm hot, so don't you _dare_ try and deny it."

Kensi strongly considers doing exactly what he's just advised her against, but decides that lying isn't the best option.

"I find you to be... somewhat attractive."

"Somewhat?"

"Yeah."

"I was hoping for absolutely, positively, irrefutably _stunning-"_

"Deeks."

"Hmmm?"

She points at the road ahead of them, her heart pumping. "Turn left."

"Why?"

"This is my street."

He looks positively baffled. "How are we already here?"

His tone sounds slightly whiny, and most _definitely_ terrified.

"I don't wanna go in, either."

"She's gonna hate me."

Kensi sighs, shaking her head. All sense of joking is gone, genuine concern moving in to take it's place.

"My mom likes you, Deeks. She told me herself."

"It'll be different now."

"Why?"

"Because I made you skip school and leave town!"

Despite Deeks' rising voice, Kensi keeps hers soft and low.

"You didn't make me do anything. I chose to go."

"I know that. But I doubt she'll understand."

Much to his chagrin, they've arrived. Deeks throws the car into park and steps outside before he can convince himself otherwise.

She isn't expecting a reaction like that from him, and quickly jogs to catch up.

"Should we have some sort of a reason for leaving? Or an excuse for not calling?"

"You left your bag at school."

"Yeah, but we still_ left."_

He sighs, not a touch of humor in his tone. "Touche."

Kensi reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers together as they approach the house.

"Go in with a united front?" She asks, trying to be optimistic.

"So... you defend me, and I defend you?"

Kensi shrugs, completely unsure of herself. A hint of fearfulness is glistening in her mismatched eyes.

"It's worth a shot."

He swallows, nodding. "Okay. We can try."

She barely smiles back at him, pushing the front door open.

"_Kensi?!"_

The loud voice immediately comes booming in from the kitchen as they enter. Kensi releases Deeks' hand and hangs her head as they approach the staircase, bracing for the verbal beating that she knows is coming her way.

Kensi's mother appears in the entryway, practically fuming. She doesn't even take a second look in Deeks direction- Julia had assumed he'd be with her.

"Where the _hell _have you been? I've called, I've texted, I've spoken to the school, I've-"

"It's my fault, Mrs. Blye," Deeks interjects, trying to remain as polite and innocent as possible. "I picked her up during lunch break. Don't blame her, blame me."

Kensi's chin drops. That was _not _the plan.

"Deeks, I went along with you."

"Maybe, but I-"

"Enough!" Julia exclaims, thrusting her hands away from either side of her body. "Just..._ leave_, Mr. Deeks. You're not going to be seeing my daughter anytime soon."

Kensi should've been bracing for that, but the sound of the words still causes her breathing to become staggered.

"Mom, would you please just-"

"No," she states simply, not even bothering to hear the last part of Kensi's request. Julia refocuses her eyes on Deeks. "Go home."

He considers saying that he doesn't have a home, but instead refrains and nods politely, turning around to face the front door.

Kensi's frozen where she stands, a lump forming in the back of her throat. She wants to scream and yell and shout, but holds the feelings inside. Silent tears roll down her cheeks, despite her many attempts to make them disappear altogether.

Deeks pauses for a split second before exiting, giving her the faintest smile he can manage to conjure up. There's a hint of hopefulness in the expression, and Kensi holds onto it- engraining the image into her mind.

Two slow steps later, with a tucked head and rather battered ego, he's gone.


	12. Cracking Ice

**As you may have noticed, I went back and named all of the chapters I've written thus far. This story is going to be another ****_long _****one,(I've just about finished my story outline, and it currently consists of 45 chapters in total) so I wanted to make it easier for you guys to find your favorite chapter later on, if you're looking for something in particular;)**

**Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews and PMs, I appreciate them more than you know!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi can hardly believe that Deeks just did that.

Took the blame for everything, just so she might be able to get off easier was a selfless thing to do, but his attempt to help her might've been in vain. Regardless of what Deeks said, Julia is still _fuming_.

Kensi waits around five seconds after she hears the door latch shut before speaking, her voice raised but quivering.

"You can't just toss him out like he's trash!"

"I can do whatever I want, Kensi," she states firmly. "That boy isn't good for you."

Those six simple words make her blood boil. Fuming with rage isn't exactly how she wishes to feel, but there's no stifling the urge to shout.

"That's not true! We just wanted to get away for a little while!"

"I've made my decision, and it's final."

"You can't just-just keep me away from him!"

"Yes, I can." Julia points towards the staircase. "You're grounded. Go to your room."

In a teary eyed stupor, she opens her mouth.

"But-"

"Go."

She wants to stomp the floor, but knows that it's not going to get her anywhere. So before Kensi does something regrettable, she places one foot in front of the other and sprints up the stairs towards her bedroom.

Slamming the door shut, she can't even make it to the bed. Kensi sinks to the floor, pressing her back up against the wall.

Wondering whether or not her mother is going to hold true to her statements is the worst part of it all, honestly. _You're not going to be seeing my daughter anytime soon._

It sounds so definitive as she hears the words run through her mind, their persistence unrelenting. She contemplates how her mother plans on making that happen, as she can't keep Deeks from her forever. They attend school together, so there's no escaping him.

Except it doesn't really matter. Kensi mostly just wonders what Deeks could be feeling; how he's processing it all.

They'd been stupid to think that the consequences for their actions wouldn't be dire, and she's having a hard time trying to decide whether or not she should be angry with herself for running off with him.

Maybe. But it's too late to have regrets.

Truthfully though, even as tears roll down her cheeks like rivulets, Kensi can't make herself wish they _hadn't_ gone. The day and a half had been utter perfection, and even with the screaming and yelling, she wouldn't trade a second of it.

The way his tan skin glistened in the sun, how he smiled at her upon waking up and realizing exactly where he was. His eyes, his laugh, his voice, his scent, his hair... everything.

And although he's only been gone from her sight for about five minutes, Kensi already misses him.

* * *

Deeks drives home through misty eyes, his vision cloudy.

He feels like an ass. Not for any reason in particular- there's just an overall sense of insecurity clouding his mind, a feeling that's superseding everything else.

She's probably being screamed at, and it's all his fault.

The simple thought forces Deeks to press his foot against the accelerator. The engine groans in protest, but his truck still manages to pick up speed as it travels down the residential street.

He pulls into the driveway of Ray's house and slides the key out of the ignition, wondering if Kensi is currently blaming him just as much as he's blaming himself.

* * *

At around midnight, she tiptoes down the stairs. All the lights have been cut, so Kensi has to use a flashlight in order to navigate around the pitched black quadrants of her house.

Getting out of there is the only thing on her mind. Unable to sleep, she knows that it's completely necessary to see him before school tomorrow.

She walks on the tips of her toes, a sense of relief flooding her mind upon reaching the back door. Crossing the threshold, Kensi breaks into a sprint once she's finally outside.

The air is sharp and crisp, burning her lungs as the pace at which her feet hit the blacktop grows faster and faster. She allows the sensation to drive her- all six blocks to Ray's house.

It's not far away, and Deeks pointed this fact out to her a couple of days ago. She thinks back to the moment, missing the normality. _Back when things were simpler. _

She tries to recall the exact directions Deeks had given her before- they were vague and indirect. But as soon as she reaches West 5th Street, Kensi instantly knows which house is his. That perfect little pickup truck is parked out front, glaring back at her in all of it's _just-driven, slightly-battered-and-most-definitely-beaten_ glory.

Making the trek over to his house is the easy part. Getting up the courage to rap her fist against the door, on the other hand, is rather challenging.

But she's come all this way, and Kensi knows that he's within a thirty foot radius of her.

So she knocks. Three times, to be precise.

* * *

He's sitting on the couch, watching the television yet not really _watching _it at all. The timid rapping sound radiates throughout the room and Deeks jumps up from the couch, tripping over his own feet twice before making it to the door.

He knows who's waiting on the other side.

She smiles as he turns the knob, but Deeks can tell that it's strained.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Stepping outside, he pulls the door shut behind him, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Are you okay?"

_No, not at all. Nothing's okay. _

"I'm alright," she answers.

"That's a lie."

"What do you want me to say?"

Kensi's got a point, as he has absolutely no idea what either of them should say.

Deeks shrugs, almost sheepish but trying hard not to be. Silence wafts around them as Kensi stares down at the dewy grass, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Tell me that it's worth it, Deeks."

Completely caught off guard by the request, he responds in the only way he can.

"What do you mean?"

"Just- tell me that all the fighting, the lying, the sneaking around..." Tears swirl in each mismatched orb, her voice breaking. "Tell me that it's gonna be worth it, in the end."

He steps closer, pressing his shoulder blades together. "It's gonna be worth it."

No explanation, just a simple statement that's pretty damn hard to refute. Kensi clenches her jaw while simultaneously lifting her eyes to meet his.

"I-I'm standing on my frozen lake."

Deeks shakes his head slightly, furrowing both eyebrows.

"I don't know what that means, Kens."

"It's something my dad taught me," she says, the sentence coming out sounding smaller than she intends for it too.

"Your frozen lake is the name for what you want _the most_ in the world and you want it... you want it so bad, that you'll do anything to get it." Her eyes stray away from his. "And your heart takes over. But because of that, it destroys you, in the end."

Deeks' face falls but Kensi continues on, trying to keep her voice from cracking beneath the pressure.

"It's right there, just sitting in the middle of this frozen lake- and you think you're fast enough to go out and grab it before the ice cracks."

He looks to his toes, finally grasping what she's trying to say and hating himself for it. Feigning incompetence is much easier than understanding it all. Deeks exhales, his lips shaking as he does so.

"And what you don't realize is, you're already standing on the ice and it's falling apart all around you?"

He poses the sentence as a question rather than a definitive statement, hoping there's a chance that his hypothesis is inaccurate. But much to Deeks' own dismay, he isn't mistaken. Kensi simply nods, providing conformation to his suspicions.

He's waiting for something more, and there's only silence. A couple of frogs try to fill the void of noiselessness with their croaks, but Deeks desperately craves something more.

"Where does that leave us, exactly?"

She shrugs, her cheeks damp. Kensi's jacket sleeve tries to dry them, but another couple of water droplets sneak out of her eyes the minute she lowers her arm.

"I don't know."

Frankly speaking Deeks feels the same way, but he's been hoping that divulging that information won't become necessary. Clearly, the odds aren't working in his favor tonight.

"I don't know either."

Kensi appears defeated at the sound of those four words, so Deeks offers up a different three.

"I love you."

And then suddenly, she's practically sobbing. His heart crumbles.

Even in the face of her tears Deeks remains strong, his grip forceful as he wraps and contracts both muscled arms around her back.

"I love you," he repeats.

Breathily, the words "I love you too" come tumbling out of her mouth.

Deeks nods, acknowledging her remark by gently tightening his hold.

"We'll figure it out."

Kensi's eyes open, but she doesn't move her body away from his. "I thought that was too vague, remember?"

Beneath her head, his chest deflates just a touch.

"For now, it's all I've got."


	13. Revelations

**There's not too much I can say up here besides thank you! The story is getting rather interesting now, so I'm going to try and continue updating daily. **

**Please review as always! :)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

After just standing there, wrapped up in his arms for another ten minutes or so, Deeks invites her inside.

She turns him down.

If Julia discovers that Kensi snuck out to go see him, she's absolutely certain that metal bars will be placed over her bedroom windows, and any previously felt sense of freedom will be gone completely.

So she shakes her head, muttering a quiet "I can't."

Deeks nods in understanding, looking more than a little disappointed. He'd envisioned just sitting on the couch beside her, enjoying a bit of late night TV as she drifted off to sleep. Nothing more, nothing less.

Kensi watches as his face falls and he scratches the scruff on his chin- simply acting like the lanky, awkward teenage boy she loves. That side of him only seems to come out around her, though. Nobody else really cares to notice that his life _isn't_ perfect.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she offers, trying to sound optimistic.

Again, he nods. It doesn't seem like a typical Marty Deeks mannerism, so she tries to compensate for his lack of enthusiasm. Kensi closes the gap between them, kissing him for what seems like half a second.

It's simple yet perfect, not at all frantic and hardly even romantic. But there's a smile on her face, and Deeks can't help but smile right back.

"Okay," he says softly as she begins to back away. "Tomorrow."

* * *

Kensi slips back into bed without making a peep and just stares up at the ceiling, unable to consider the possibility of sleep. Her heart is still thumbing, her mind racing.

She loves Deeks, and he loves her. Not even Julia's disdain for him or their actions can make those feelings subside.

A tumultuous combination of thoughts are floating around in her mind, some happy and some sad. She wants to scream, but another part of her wants to laugh.

_Is this what being in love feels like? _She's never been in love before, so it's hard to know. Aggravated by her own inability to know how she's supposed to be feeling, Kensi buries her face in a pillow, letting out a muffled scream.

In just two weeks, her dad will be here. Hopefully he'll bring some clarity home with him.

* * *

Walking inside, Deeks quietly presses the door shut. His eyes are glued to the floor, the lower half of his jaw hanging slightly ajar.

"Who was out there?"

Ray is standing in front of him, clad in a tee shirt and pair of sweatpants. He wipes his eyes with one hand, eyebrows furrowed as he yawns. Waking up his roommate up wasn't a part of the plan, but it seems that Deeks has already done it so there's no going back.

"Uh... Kensi."

His eyes widen just a hilt. "Oh, your girlfriend?"

He's never heard anyone refer to her as that before, and Deeks can't help but smile. He wishes that the term was being used under different circumstances, but that's beyond his control.

"Yeah. My girlfriend."

The words come across as flat and deflated.

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yup."

"Anything else I should know?" he presses. It's clear that Deeks is leaving out some information.

"Things are just..." He trails off, glancing to the floor. "Rocky."

Ray cocks his head to one side, quickly finding a way to awaken his sleepy mind.

"With the two of you?"

"More or less."

He walks over to the couch, changing the volume of the television to mute.

"Well... that's unexpected."

Deeks sighs, following behind his friend.

"How do you figure?"

"I dunno. You seem different with her. I didn't expect it all to fall apart so quickly."

He sits up tall. Somehow, in the middle of the night, his friend becomes even _more_ blunt than usual.

"It's not falling apart! We're just..."

"Trying to figure it out?" Ray offers, knowing that he's just struck a nerve.

"Yes," Deeks states firmly, nodding profusely. "We're just trying to figure it all out. _And we will."_

"How do you know?"

He pauses, but it's fleeting and his next sentence easily makes up for the hesitation.

"Because I love her."

"You love her?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

He purses his lips, thinking. "I just... I just know."

"But _how?"_

Deeks can't exactly tell what Ray's looking for, so he offers up the only explanation that seems plausible. _The truth._

"Not sure. I just have a feeling about her."

"Okay. That's... good." Ray nods in understanding, looking satisfied. "But if that really is the case, then you can't let her go."

"I won't. Don't think I'd ever be able to do it."

_"Ever?"_

"I mean..." Deeks' cheeks turn red. "Come on, dude. Don't do that."

Ray laughs. "Do what?"

"Twist my words around."

"I'm not."

"We've only been together for a week."

"And you already claim that you're in love with her."

"I am!"

"That's good. I believe you."

He narrows his eyes, gaze sharp and tone accusatory.

"Then what's your point?"

Ray shrugs. "It doesn't really seem like puppy-love to me, that's all."

Deeks doesn't need the clarification, but appreciates it nonetheless.

"I already know that. It's real."

He nods. "Good. But... I've never met the girl. I'm only going off of what you've told me."

"Okay."

Silence. Ray is fishing, and he has no idea what the guy's looking for.

"Do you wanna meet her, or something?"

His face lights up. "That would be great."

Deeks chuckles, standing up from the couch as he starts towards the room that's practically become his own.

"You could've just asked to see her."

Ray smiles. "Where's the fun in that?"

* * *

Kensi's _never_ been this early for school.

By five thirty, her bag is packed and her breakfast has been devoured. She runs outside two hours before the bus is scheduled to pick her up, but doesn't stop in the usual pick-up zone.

Instead, Kensi keeps walking for about three more blocks before finally coming to a halt, dropping her backpack to the ground. She leans her shoulder against a wooden street sign, checking her watch.

_Hmm. About another minute. _

Calmly she takes in her surroundings, watching as the leaves of the trees sway in the breeze and the sky begins to change from navy to baby blue.

Then, _like clockwork_, he appears. Deeks is moving towards her at a rapid pace, his blond locks bouncing as he runs. The white tee shirt he adorns is soaked with sweat, and his eyebrows immediately furrow as he catches sight of her about thirty feet ahead.

"Kens?"

She grins toothlessly. "Hey."

Deeks stops just in front of her, ruffling his hair.

"Hey," he responds, completely breathless and thoroughly confused. "What are you doing here?"

Kensi shrugs. "Interrupting your morning run."

"You know my route?" He cocks his head to one side, giving her a crooked smile. "Cheeky."

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, only because you told me."

"Whatever. It's still cheeky."

"Okay."

"Ooooh. So you think it's cheeky too?"

She sighs, but a grin pierces through it. "Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?"

"I assumed you just wanted to see me," he says while leaning forward, lifting the hem of his tee shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. Kensi's eyes catch on his sculpted abs and for a moment she completely loses her train of thought.

"Kens?"

Her head snaps up. "Hm?"

Deeks follows her line of sight and chuckles, but doesn't address her loss of focus.

"Was I right? Did you just want to see me?"

She shrugs yet again, regaining her composure. "Sorta. I couldn't sleep, and thought that this-" Kensi motions between the two of them. "-sounded better than waiting two more hours for the bus."

"Aw," he states flatly, tight lipped. "I'm flattered."

_Clearly, he's not. _

"I didn't mean it like that, ya know, you- erm, don't have to be insulted, I just thought that it would be nice to see you before everything at school, and, well..."

She trails off as he begins to smirk.

"Wow."

"What?"

"No matter how early in the morning it is, I can always count on you being an ass."

"You're a lucky gal."

Kensi snorts. "Apparently."

His eyes light up when she didn't protest his statement.

"Grab your bag," he says, pointing towards the pavement. "I'm gonna go home and take a shower. You can wait there, and then I'll take us to school."

Kensi lifts her eyebrows, but does as she's told and retrieves her bag. "You will?"

"Yes, I will."

"That's breaking _quite _a few rules, don't you think?"

Deeks tosses an arm over Kensi's shoulders, leisurely leading her back towards the house.

"Why stop now?"

* * *

Kensi twiddles her thumbs as she sits in the center of his couch, both elbows resting against her kneecaps.

He's getting ready, and she's just _waiting_.

Not that it's a bad thing- Kensi really doesn't mind. But this isn't exactly_ his _house, so the idea of kicking off her shoes and taking a little snooze while she waits for him to reappear seems odd.

Instead, she sits.

"Um, Deeks? There's a girl..."

Kensi turns around to find a guy staring her down- wide eyed but clearly still half asleep. She shoots up from her seat, smiling and running over to meet him.

"Hi! Sorry if I startled you- I'm Kensi," she says, extending a hand out and trying not to appear as awkward as she feels.

The stunned expression drops from his features, a toothy smile moving in to fill the voice. Her name obviously sparked something.

"Oh, wow. Deeks' girl. Nice to finally meet you."

_Finally. _

It sounds exaggerated to Kensi, as her and Deeks have only _really_ been together for a week. But they've also been friends for months, so it seems fitting that Deeks has taken the time to discuss the topic of_ 'Kensi'_ with his roommate.

"I'm Ray," he adds, as if she didn't already know.

Kensi nods as he turns around, entering the kitchen and pulling a coffee mug out from one of the cabinets. She feels a bit more comfortable with her surroundings now, and slips into one of the bar stools adjacent to the kitchen island.

"So... what do you know about me?" She asks with a small smile. "What's he told you?"

Ray shrugs, his back facing her. "A decent amount."

"Really?"

Kensi's sure that the word comes across far more eager that she intends for it to.

"Yeah."

There's a pause as he scoops coffee grounds into a filter.

"You don't talk much, do you?"

All she gets is a teasing smirk and one lifted eyebrow. He's obviously trying to mess with her.

"Depends on who I'm speaking to."

"You're speaking to Kensi. Anything come to mind?"

"Wow. You're sassy."

"That's what he tells me," she says, nodding in the general direction of Deeks' bedroom.

"Does he now?"

"Sometimes."

"Huh. Okay."

He stares her down, his eyes dancing across her face. Kensi would do just about anything to know what's running through his mind, because she's certain that every thought has been molded by something that came straight from Deeks' mouth.

"So you're really not gonna tell me anything? Just stare at me creepily?"

"Was I being creepy? Sorry about that. It's really early," he says, pouring coffee into a mug the second it finishes brewing. His sarcasm isn't lost on her. "You want a cup?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Are you mad at me now?"

"I don't think I know you well enough to say."

"I'm gonna take that as a yes."

It's strange how much this guy reminds her of Deeks, and she's beginning to view him as his _less-attractive, kind-of-annoying _older brother.

"Deeks likes you," she adds.

"On occasion. He does live with me, so that's saying something."

"Does he have a choice?"

"Ouch, Fern." Ray smirks, his use of her nickname proving that he really has heard quite a bit about her. "You know, in my mind you were less of a spitfire. Deeks makes you sound so sweet, adorable and _caring."_

She smiles. Finally_,_ they're getting somewhere.

"I can be all of those things."

"But only with him? That's precious."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

She leans forward onto the counter, arms crossed but her expression still bemused.

"Come on, Ray. You've gotta give me a little something, before he comes out."

"I'm sure you're already well aware of everything he's told me. It would probably be rather repetitive."

"That's fine. I'll pretend to be engaged."

"Your sense of humor needs some work."

"Deeks tells me that, too."

Ray leans his back against the fridge, deciding that he'll share some information with her.

"Honestly, Kensi- every single time he talks about you, I've only ever really discovered one thing."

She sits up tall in anticipation. "Which is...?"

"That boy loves you," Ray says, taking a sip of coffee. "He loves you a lot."


	14. Homecoming

**The feedback on this story has been absolutely amazing thus far! I am so (sooooo) excited for where the next few chapters in particular are heading... and I can't wait for you guys to see what I have in store!**

**Please review as always:)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

Kensi wonders how her mother ever thought she could keep them apart.

They walk to class together, eat each meal together, and study for every test together. Today doesn't feel any different to her, not really.

He still smiles at her from across the classroom, insists on carrying her books when they leave class, and makes multiple jokes at her expense to their friends about how loudly she snores.

Deeks plays off the suggestiveness by claiming that this all happened in the car one day while they were driving, but says nothing about the impromptu road trip. It's _theirs, _so he's not gonna give anyone even a fleeting chance to tease Kensi or himself about it.

Instead, he sends a simple and discreet wink in her direction. She blushes.

At the end of the day, as Kensi's approaching the curb to wait for Deeks after seventh period, her eyes catch on a familiar figure that she almost overlooked completely.

What stands out the most to her is his wardrobe- a crisp, newly dry-cleaned military uniform. Kensi squints at the man, her heart palpitating.

He smiles, and she knows._ Her father is home._

"Dad?!" Kensi asks as she sprints towards him, allowing her backpack to slide off of her shoulder and plummet to the ground with a thud.

"Hey Kens," he says, keeping his voice low so it doesn't break. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she replies, both arms wrapped tightly around his neck. It seems as if Kensi had no clue how much his absence was affecting her until she had him back. "But I thought you weren't supposed to be here for two more weeks?"

"Mission ended early."

She's couldn't be more grateful for that fact. His impromptu return is coming at the perfect time, as Kensi's certain that he'll be the perfect voice of reason in the current situation with her mother.

"Mom's just killing me," she says as they separate, his face finally visible to her.

"Not literally, I hope?"

Kensi rolls her eyes. "No, dad. Not literally."

He nods, and there's a brief silence between them. It's almost awkward, and she can't seem to figure out why.

"Your mother says that you have a boyfriend?"

_There it is._

Kensi grins, chuckling as her eyes drift down to stare at her feet.

"So she wasn't lying! You do have a boyfriend!" He exclaims with a laugh.

She exhales at her father's calm reaction, as his emotions on the situation have been pretty hard to predict. Being dubbed as '_Miss Independent' _for the entirety of her existence thus far means that when Kensi refers to someone as her boyfriend, it's serious.

"Sorta."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know if he's your boyfriend?"

She shrugs, quickly raising and lowering both eyebrows.. "It's what he likes to call himself."

"Hmmm. What's the boy's name?"

"De-" She stops herself before referring to him by his last name. "Martin."

It sounds so strange to Kensi, but highly distinguished to her father.

"Huh. _Martin. _He sounds... dignified."

She laughs. "He's not."

"Really?"

"Nope. More of a beach bum."

He shoots her a look, and she's quick to improve the statement.

"A _dignified _beach bum. He just surfs a lot, that's all."

Mr. Blye doesn't look convinced. Kensi rolls her eyes again, walking towards the parking lot and taking him along with her.

"Come on, Dad. I'll tell you _alllll _about him."

* * *

On the drive home, Kensi does just that.

Kensi makes sure to text him too, letting Deeks know that she won't be requiring a lift home.

_My dad got home early and picked me up today. See you tomorrow?_

His reply comes instantaneously.

_That's awesome. Sounds good. Love you._

She smiles at the screen, and Donald immediately takes notice.

"Is that the guy?" He shakes his head. "I just got here. You don't have to start ignoring me so quickly."

"I'm not _ignoring _you, dad. I just didn't want to leave him waiting for me after class." Kensi waves her phone around in the air before shoving it into the top pocket of her backpack. "See? I'm all yours."

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to give him a hard time." He swallows, only a hint of tease left in his voice. "Julia really doesn't like him."

She snorts in annoyance, looking out the window. "Uh-huh. I figured that part out pretty quickly."

"You skipped school with him?"

Her confidence falters. "I mean... yeah. Once."

"_And _left for the night without calling?"

Kensi humphs. "Yeah. _Once."_

He shakes his head. "I think you're just worrying her, Kens. You've never been a 'trouble maker' before."

"But I wasn't making any trouble!" She exclaims, her words coming across a bit more hostile than is totally necessary. Collecting herself, Kensi continues on.

"He just needed to..." She furrows her eyebrows, searching for the right words. "..._get away_, for a little while."

"Get away from what?"

She lifts her eyes to meet his, contemplating what to say next. Telling him the truth seems like the best idea- Kensi just has to be sure that she prefaces the confession properly.

"Well, Deeks-."

His eyebrows furrow. "Deeks?"

She let it slip. _Oh well. _Kensi can't go on calling him Martin forever.

"It's his last name. Everyone just calls him that."

"Okay. Now I get where the 'beach bum' thing comes from."

He's smiling, clearly proud of himself.

"Dad!"

"Sorry, sorry. Continue?"

She nods, returning her demeanor to a more serious tone so that it matches up with the context of their conversation.

"His dad... he's just not a good guy."

"How so?"

Kensi shakes her head, staring at her lap.

"He hits him. Among other things."

Her dad stutters over his words. "He-he hits him?"

"Yeah," she answers, deflated.

There's a silence as he takes in the information.

"But Deeks shot him, so it's all okay now."

His eyes wide. "He did _what? _And how does that make anything okay?!"

Okay, that was probably a horrible way to toss the glaringly important tidbit of information out there.

"No, no... he had to do it, dad. There was no other choice."

"There's always a choice."

"Yeah, maybe," she spits out through a clenched jaw. "Life or death."

He swallows, almost looking sheepish. "That bad?"

Kensi nods, allowing the silence to speak for her.

"Is that why your mom doesn't like him?"

She shrugs, looking back out the window. "Not sure. It seems like a culmination of things, to me."

"Probably because you left."

"Probably."

Kensi remains motionless, her mind drifting as she stares out at the bumper of the car in front of them.

"He's a really good guy, dad. You have to trust me."

Her father sighs, the noise loud enough to make Kensi stop and look at him.

"I'll talk to her."

Both eyes brighten. "You will?"

"Sure. But only on one condition."

"Anything."

He pauses, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "You have to let me meet him."

_On what planet is that a 'condition?'_

"Yes! Of course! Thank you, thank you, thank you-"

As she reaches over to wrap him up in a hug, the car swerves. Kensi immediately pulls away, grimacing.

"You're driving. Right. Sorry."

"No worries."

The car straightens out, and her mind goes right back to focusing on Deeks.

"I promise Dad- you're gonna love him."

"Am I really?"

"Yes."

"What makes you so sure."

She doesn't miss a beat. "I love him."

Kensi feels the car stall slightly, as if her dad has just instinctively slammed his foot against the brake.

"You _love _him?"

"Yes."

"Love is a pretty strong word, don't you think?"

"Yes."

"You can't just keep saying 'yes' and expect me to drop it."

"Okay."

"One word answers have the same affect, Kens."

"Sorry."

"Kensi!"

"Okay," she says, laughing. "Look- I really do love him. Maybe after you meet the guy, you'll begin to understand why?"

He nods slowly, eyes narrowed just a hilt.

"Huh. Maybe."


	15. Falling Through

**Thank you for multitude of the support and love I've been receiving, you guys are amazing! I hope you all enjoy this chapter:)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

As the bedroom flings open- her mother running inside and flicking on the light, Kensi's having a hard time deciding whether or not this is a dream.

"Mom?" She asks, her voice croaky in the wee hours of the morning. Kens wipes her eyes, propping herself up on one elbow as she squints at the clock beside her bed_. _

_2:23 AM._

"Get up," Julia instructs. Her tone is gruff but it's clear that she's been crying.

"What are you talking about?"

"We're leaving."

She pulls open the closet doors, rummaging around and whipping out an empty suitcase.

Kensi's heart begins to race, her eyes frantically searching her mother's face for some sort of an explanation.

"What are you talking about? Dad just got here-"

"He's not coming with us, Kensi." She stares down her daughter, allowing Kensi a moment to fully take in what she's telling her. "I'm sorry, but we're going."

"Mom!" She screeches, tears welling up in her eyes. Confusion mixed with anger and a lack of sleep is making her tone sound almost hysterical. "How can you-"

"Kensi, _please," _Julia pleads, hovering in the doorway before making her exit. "Your father isn't here right now, so we need to hurry. Pack a bag."

In a baffled and teary eyed stupor, the truth suddenly becomes clear to her. This is all real- she definitely isn't dreaming.

Kensi knows that her subconscious would never be this cruel.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, their bags have been packed and loaded into the back of the car.

Kensi's been asking why they're leaving, where her dad is, what the 'hell is going on' ever since her mother first woke her up, but she can't manage to get a direct answer. Instead, everything's vague and carries little or no weight whatsoever.

Kensi's heart has been stuck in her throat this entire time, normal breathing becoming an increasingly difficult task. She wants her father to appear, pulling her away from this person who she's having a hard time recognizing at the moment. She wants to go back inside, to go back to sleep, to curl up in bed and pretend like nothing even happened in the first place.

Basically, Kensi wants everything to be normal again. But she knows that life isn't always fair.

So she gets inside the car, slamming the door shut as tears continue stinging at her eyes. She stares outside at the starless night sky, her jaw clenched, but the moment her mother starts the car _something clicks_, and Kensi practically yells it into the silence.

"But... Deeks!"

Julia almost rolls her eyes, and it's infuriating. She wants to _scream. _

"He's just a boy, Kensi. There's plenty of other people out there-"

"You don't know anything about him, or me, or us! You have no _idea _who he is, yet you act like you do!"

Kensi shakes her head, more tears rolling down her cheeks as the anger turns to sadness. She has a strong feeling that this is going to become a regular occurrence.

"Just let me say goodbye to him."

The simple sound of those words leaving her own mouth is practically debilitating.

Julia remains silent, but Kensi can tell that she's thinking.

"Please, mom. You owe it to me."

She sighs, slowing down the car to a mere ten mph.

"Tell me where he lives."

* * *

Julia stops the car about half a block away, parking on a street corner. Maybe she doesn't want to watch her daughter say a tearful goodbye? Maybe she just wants a moment to herself? Kensi really can't be sure.

"Make it quick, okay?"

She doesn't even bother responding and instead just throws her seatbelt off, allowing the snapping sound to fill the silence.

The stars in the sky are nonexistent. Between herself and Deeks' house arise puffs of gray, ones that are thick and lingering in the darkness. The moon is fighting to shine it's light down upon her; she knows that's trying to peek out from behind the clouds.

But the masses of deep gray are unrelenting in their persistence, casting an ominous haze over the dimly lit street.

Kensi pounds against the door, wanting to use every free moment she has wisely. So although it could be considered rude of her to hit one fist repeatedly against the plank of wood separating the two of them, she does it regardless.

There's only a thirty second time lapse before someone appears, and she heaves a sigh of relief when Deeks opens up, not Ray.

"Kens?" He asks, his voice a low whisper as he pulls the door open. She doesn't say a single word upon seeing him, but rather just shakes her head and practically falls forward into his arms.

Deeks catches her easily, holding his girl back tightly as she wraps both arms around his neck. Something _bad _has clearly happened, he just can't see him to locate an answer for what it could possibly be.

But after a long moment of silence, Kensi's keen to provide him with the clarity he desires.

"We're leaving."

Deeks pulls away so he can see her face, the speed at which his chest lifts and lowers rising to a frantic pace.

"You're... what?"

She bites her lower lip, looking just past his head. "My mom woke me up, and she won't tell me what's going on, or where we're going, and I don't know what's happening. It feels like I don't know _anything _anymore, Deeks."

As she crumbles, he pulls her in again- holding Kensi up before she falls apart completely.

"I think she's leaving my dad."

The hurt and pain inflicted by her mother's decision is evident as she speaks. Deeks' mind is racing, his heart beating sporadically as he tries to simultaneously calm himself and her.

"You're gonna be okay, Kens," Deeks says, closing his eyes as he continues stroking her head of wavy brown hair. All he can do is try to provide a bit of solace, so he takes the opportunity and runs with it.

"Wherever you go. You're gonna do amazing things."

Her fingernails claw at the fabric of his tee shirt, digging in with a fierce intensity as her mind continues telling her to just hold on and not let go.

"I don't wanna do any of it," she whispers. Her heart is completely overpowering her subconscious, which doesn't want to cry. "Not without you."

Like Kensi's told him before- he's the thing she wants the most in the world, and she wants him so bad that she'll do practically anything to get him. He's her frozen lake.

But all of a sudden, it's entirely out of her hands. Neither of them have any control over the outcome.

"I'm s-sorry," she mumbles, the words cut in two by a broken sob. He runs his fingers over her hair, closing both eyes and contemplating how it's possible that Kensi's delivering an apology to _him. _Simply accepting the words feels selfish.

"It's not your fault," he murmurs, trying to come across as affirming but sure that she can sense his heartbreak, too.

Now that his mom has practically disappeared from his life altogether, Deeks has only two family members left. _Ray, and Kensi._

The imminent departure of one sends shockwaves through his body.

"Maybe," she replies, shaking her head against the crook of his shoulder. "But I'm still _sorry,_ Deeks. I just, I just can't-"

"Shhh," he whispers, tightening his grip as he hears her voice grow watery and strained.

If only Kensi could stay right there- never bothering to leave him or the life that she's grown to love. But after a long moment of still and quiet, she finally speaks up again, saying something neither of them want to hear.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, the tears that stain her cheeks even more visible after they've separated. As Kensi speaks her voice isn't really breaking, but rather sounds as if it already broke a long time ago. "I have to go now."

"Wait!" He exclaims, grasping her wrist in a sudden moment of complete and utter desperation. "Just... take this."

Deeks hands her a folded up piece of paper, their fingers getting muddled together during the handoff. When their skin is no longer touching, an inexplicable lack of warmth seems to fall over his body.

"I was gonna give it to you after school yesterday, but I didn't see you, and-" Deeks stops himself, exhaling before he begins to ramble. "None of that matters. I just want you to have it."

Kensi's eyebrows furrow, tears welling up in both dark orbs. She accepts the note without question though, gently placing it inside of her pocket. Saving it for another time, when Kensi no longer has Deeks around to comfort her seems like the best possible plan.

"I love you."

She says the statement with a flaming sincerity, so that the words come across as strong and firm rather than frail and flowery as they've seemed in the past.

He nods, tears pooling. "I love you too."

Kensi spins around before he can see her fall apart any further, but sneaks one last glance before rounding the corner. She pauses briefly as her eyes catch on him, still just standing right there in the middle of the front lawn.

Both hands are shoved into his pockets as he watches her leave, his facial expression sad but his eyes even sadder. The blue hue has been dulled and muddled, and Kensi hates that she's responsible for taking away the sparkle.

She tucks her head, closing both eyes as they spill over with tears. Each step is like moving farther and farther away from the security she once knew, the life she once knew, but most importantly- the first love she _ever_ knew.

Once inside the car, Kensi slams the door shut immediately. Her mother is staring in her direction, a strong mixture of guilt and concern covering her features. Kensi doesn't care to look, though, as she won't say a single word to this person- the one who's ruining her life for no apparent or glaringly good reason.

Julia senses the tension and doesn't try to appease it, not now anyways. She changes gears, shifting the car into drive.

Once Kensi's sure that her mother won't be staring any longer, she sniffles back a couple of stray tears and pulls out the note Deeks just gave her.

As her eyes read and reread the simple sentence that's been scrawled out in his messy penmanship, she has to lift a hand up to cover her mouth before a gasping sob escapes.

_I'm not gonna let you fall through the ice._

_- D_


	16. Taken

**The response to chapter 15 was absolutely unreal! I can't say thank you enough:) I'm loving your reviews as well, they are so fun to read! **

**- Hazel**

* * *

Every second of the drive is awful. Horrible. Completely and utterly _unbearable. _

She wants to shout at her mother. Tell the woman that she's ruining her life, Deeks' life, her father's life-_ everything_ Kensi holds dear. But rather than yelling she remains silent, hoping the lack of words will speak for her.

"Kensi?"

No reply.

"Kens?" Julia asks again, her voice softer and slightly more sincere.

She's trying, but the attempts are in vain.

"I'm gonna sleep," Kensi states simply, closing her eyes. There's no possible way that she's actually going to get any rest right now, but assumes that her mother might take it as a hint to leave her alone.

Julia doesn't say anything more, and instead just keeps on driving forward. Kensi has absolutely no idea where they're going, as her mom has failed to fill her in on any of the details.

She just hugs both knees up to her chest, tears prickling at her eyes as they continue on towards an undisclosed location.

* * *

With both eyebrows thoroughly furrowed, Deeks stumbles back in through his front door, sinking down into the couch.

His mouth is hanging slightly ajar, both eyes wide as the facts hit him like a ton of bricks.

Kensi's just come over to give him her final goodbye. It was completely unexpected- not something he was hoping that the next couple of weeks would hold.

Deeks' original plan was to meet Kensi's father, and maybe even win back over her mother. He'd charm her with his smile and try not to seem at all imposing. With the help of Donald and Kensi, they'd force Julia into liking him.

One day, Deeks would feel comfortable enough that he'd be able to pop in and say hello without so much as a call beforehand.

Knowing he doesn't have any real family, they'd invite Deeks over for Christmas. Kensi would mindlessly grab his hand at dinner, but quickly pull it away as her father's eyes narrowed in on the public display of affection.

Blushing, she'd just sit quietly and listen as her parents asked him all sorts of questions about his plans for the future. They'd want to know where he's hoping to attend college, and what he plans on studying.

After the third or fourth round of interrogation, Kensi would kick her dad under the table, trying to be discreet. Deeks would easily pick up on her unease, shooting a quick and reassuring grin in her direction. He wouldn't mind the attention, not at all.

Having people around who care enough to actually ask questions would be a nice change.

For once, he'd feel important.

* * *

Kensi keeps her eyes closed for the full duration of their five hour drive. She can feel the sun trying to penetrate through her shut eyelids, but doesn't give in to urge until the car comes to a complete stop and she can hear the engine shut off.

She knows that her mom is probably startled when she throws the door open, not even asking where they are or what's going on. But Kensi's certain that no sort of a direct answer will come her way, so it seems pointless to speak.

Stepping outside, she looks up to find a motel sitting in front of her. The location is clearly a pit stop, and it's obvious to her that they're in the middle of nowhere.

"You're still not speaking to me?"

Julia suddenly appears beside her, pulling the trunk open. The pretentiousness with which she speaks and carries herself is off putting as well as infuriating, as if the woman believes Kensi's just 'overreacting.'

"Nope," she replies simply, grabbing her bag from the backseat.

Kensi throws it over one shoulder, strolling into the small lobby and immediately sinking into one of the chairs lined up against the wall. She grabs a magazine, flipping through the pages but not actually looking at any of them.

Her mind is reeling. _Where are we? Why are we stopping here?_ _Where are we going? _

She knows that it's around midday, but that's about it. Asking questions would be a sign of defeat though, so Kensi doesn't really mind the confusion.

As long as she still has her pride, it means that at least_ one_ thing has remained intact.

* * *

Ray comes trudging down the stairs at around seven, ready to grab a cup of coffee and bowl of cereal before work- but he gets a bit more than he bargained for.

Deeks is sitting on the couch, and has relocating himself so that his back is pressed up against one of the armrests. He looks sleep deprived, emotionless, and just a little heartbroken.

Ray can tell something's wrong from the minute he seems him.

"Hey dude. You... alright?" He asks, head cocked to one side.

Deeks doesn't say a single word, and instead just nods slowly, his forehead creased. The small movement isn't one that qualifies as an answer, though. He's not saying that he's okay.

No, he's not saying anything at all.

"Dude," Ray repeats, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from the couch. "What's going on?"

Another beat of silence passes before Deeks is able to find the words he's searching for.

"She left."

Ray narrows his eyes, trying to decipher the puzzle that's been placed in front of him.

"Who left? _Kensi?"_

He nods, his line of sight fixated forward. "Julia's leaving her dad. They packed up and left in the middle of the night."

"But... I thought Kensi loved her dad-"

"She does." His eyes finally break away from the wall, focusing in on Ray. "He's everything to her."

"Then why-"

"No idea."

Ray sighs. "So is she really-"

"Gone," Deeks states, moving his gaze away from Ray. "Just gone."

* * *

It's 1:00 AM.

The day has passed with only a few short words spoken between the two of them.

Now it's the middle of the night, and Kensi's absolutely exhausted but is still finding sleep to be something completely unatainable. Instead, she's been staring at the ceiling for the past four hours, contemplating what her options are. All her mind can focus on is the glaringly obvious fact that she needs to_ go._

This can't be her life- having little or no control over the scenarios she's put in or the people she's living with. Starting over isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Kensi's done it enough times- she _knows._

Usually it just leads to a sense of precariousness and inconstancy, but this is typical when your normal routine of daily life gets thrown out the window. Old friends become distant memories, and over time they fade away completely.

Nobody ever stays, and nothing is ever permanent.

Eventually, all you're left with is a thoroughly battered heart and a closed-off exterior. In order to stay tough, you also have to stay private. Elusive. Hard to break.

Except somehow, after yet another move that she'd assumed would be just as awful as the last, a seventeen year old boy had come into the picture. With a gleaming smile and an overwhelmingly large amount of patience, he'd managed to work his way past the walls she'd put in place- the ones that had been built up_ long_ before they ever crossed paths.

The proverbial walls weren't really 'walls' at all, but rather impenetrable stone barriers that had always proven to be successful in keeping people away.

Deeks had changed it all, though. In a matter of months, he'd changed _her. _

She'd become more open, gone out with friends, tried new things and spoken her mind when it was warranted. They'd learned what it was like to be someone's best friend and confidant, while at the same time their greatest challenge. At the end of the day, she'd loved him for it.

And she still does.

Kensi inhales sharply at the mess of emotions that are running through her mind, tossing the covers off of her legs before sliding noiselessly out of bed.

Gingerly, she tiptoes towards the door, grabbing her bag and taking one last peek at Julia. The idea of leaving her doesn't hurt as much as it should, she knows that. But the one thing keeping Kensi from breaking down at the sight of her is the knowledge of who she's going home to.

They're people that love her, and people that care more than her mother _ever_ will.

So with cloudy vision, a backpack and a palpitating heart, Kensi sees her chance to escape and_ takes it._


	17. Lost and Found

**The amount of reviews and messages I'm receiving because of this story is just incredible. It may be hard for you all to believe, but this story has only just begun... we aren't even at our halfway point yet! **

**Please keep reviewing too, I can't tell you how much I love hearing what you guys have to say! :)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

She tosses the front door open, looking left and right upon exiting. Deciding where to go... that's the tricky part of it all. No car, no means of transportation- just a cell phone and a backpack full of clothes.

Kensi drops to the ground once she's rounded the corner, placing her bag on the pavement. She contemplates what her options are, as there aren't a lot of places to go, nor are there many people she can can call at this hour.

One person in particular stands out in her mind, though. _Deeks. _

She could call her father, but Kensi's unsure of how much he's aware of at the moment and doesn't want to be the bearer of horrible news. _Hey dad? Your wife's leaving you. Just thought you should know._

It seems fairly obvious that the task will eventually fall to her, but Kensi doesn't want to think about that now, not yet anyways.

She retrieves the cell phone from her front jacket pocket, exhaling before scrolling through her contacts list to find his name. It's on the top of her recent calls list, meaning Kensi doesn't have to look far, and she presses the number before she can convince herself otherwise.

It rings only once.

"Kens?" Deeks asks, his voice raspy and strained. She can tell that he's just awoken, but there's a sense of urgency as he speaks and it's keenly shining through.

"I didn't, um... mean to wake you up, I just..." She sighs, feeling frustrated with herself for failing to prepare something beforehand. "I didn't know who else to call."

"What can I do?"

Kensi's forehead creases as she rubs her eyes. "I don't know."

"Your mom hasn't told you anything more?"

"I haven't asked, Deeks." She looks to the ground, aimlessly playing with the tiny pebbles beneath her feet. "I don't think I wanna hear what she has to say."

"Sounds like a good enough reason."

"Yeah."

There's a brief pause before Kensi interjects once more.

"I left."

"You _left?"_

"I can't do this again, Deeks. I can't start over." It feels as if her voice is about to crack, and so she's quick to try and cover up the moment of weakness. "This is never going to work."

"What does that mean?"

She swallows. "It means I'm coming home."

"How?"

That is _exactly _where her plan begins to derail.

"I... I'm not really sure."

"Where are you?"

She glances at her surroundings, shaking her head. "No idea. I'm at a place called the 'Midway Motel,' but that's about all I can tell you. It's in the middle of nowhere."

"I'll look it up."

"What are you...?"

Kensi hears the ruffling of covers distantly on the other end of the line, and a slight grunt as if Deeks is just pulling himself out of bed.

"I'm coming to get you. Right now."

"No, Deeks I'm not asking-"

"Neither am I."

"But-"

"I'm _coming, _Kensi."

His tone is so declarative and certain that she doesn't even try testing him. Honestly, why would she? Right now, _nothing_ would make Kensi happier than seeing him, face to face.

"Okay," she says, her frailness evident in every damn syllable. "But... could you do something for me? Besides that?"

His reply comes without delay. "Anything."

She tries exhaling, but once again her lungs seem to fail at accomplishing what should be a rather simple task.

"Just... stay on the line with me? While you drive?"

Deeks' heart easily gets caught up in his throat. "Of course. I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay."

She can almost hear him smiling through the phone. "I'm on my way."

Kensi desperately wants to say something more, and the silence that proceeds seems like the perfect time for her to talk.

"I missed you."

He chuckles faintly. "It's only been 24 hours."

"Sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Seems like forever."

"Probably all the driving."

"Yeah. I still haven't slept."

"That could be part of it."

"Possibly. How was school?"

Kensi can hear the engine growl as Deeks starts the car.

"Eh. Boring. I had to sit with Josh at lunch."

"Don't you love Josh?"

"Love is a _pretty _strong word..."

She chuckles, and it's a freeing feeling. Only he could evoke something like that at a time like this.

"I'm sure he appreciates the company. We can get pretty chatty, you and I."

"We can. Everyone kept asking me where you were."

"What did you say?"

"I told them the truth. I said that I didn't know."

"Good. Maybe there won't be a questionnaire for me to fill out when I get back."

He laughs. "Wow."

"What?"

"Apparently, sleepy Kensi is also _sassy _Kensi."

"I have many reasons to be sassy right now, Deeks."

"Very true. You have total permission to be as sassy as you want, I promise I can handle it."

She snorts. "I'm sure. That's just how I am. But ya know, your roommate seemed to think that your description of me was a bit off."

"How so?"

"According to him, you said I was adorable, caring and _sweet."_

"You're all of those things."

"Adorable? Really?"

"In your own way, yes."

"In my _own way?"_

"That came out wrong."

Kensi smiles to herself before delivering a quick bout of laughter, looking to the ground.

"Yeah, I think it did."

She yawns loudly, the noise filling Deeks' ears. He can practically visualize the way her nose is scrunching up as her features expand, and how her cheeks are dimpling. It only makes him miss her _more._

"You wanna take a nap or something?"

Kensi nods sleepily, but it takes a few seconds for her to realize that Deeks can't see what she's doing.

"Maybe. But-"

"I'm not hanging up, Kens. Just keep me on the line with you."

She smiles, grabbing a beanie from one of the pockets inside of her backpack. Kensi's not sure exactly what provoked her to grab that hat while they were rushing out the door, but regardless she's glad to have it in her possession.

"It's so _cold _here," she says, slipping it over her head.

"Wait- you're outside?"

"Yeah. Where else would I be?"

Faintly, Kensi hears the sound of one or two curse words muttered beneath his breath.

"It's like thirty degrees, Kens."

"Not in California."

"You aren't _in _California."

"How'd you figure that out?"

"I looked up that little motel. You're all the way over in Fernley."

_"Fernley?_ As in Nevada?"

"Uh-huh."

"Shouldn't come as a surprise, I guess. It's freezing out here," she says, holding her one free arm tightly around her own waist in an attempt to conserve body heat.

"Isn't there somewhere you could go? A place that might be a bit warmer?"

"Aside from my room... no. So I think I'm just gonna stay put."

"What if your mom comes looking for you?"

"She was sound asleep when I left. I think we're good."

Kensi yawns again, and he smiles.

"Keep me on the line, okay?"

Pressing the speakerphone button, she rotates her body around so that her head is laying against the side of her backpack.

"Okay."

"Good. Sweet dreams, Kensalina."

* * *

Deeks doesn't let her off the line until around five hours later, when his pickup finally rolls into the parking lot. He steps out of the truck, eyes scouring the entrance for a familiar face as he jogs towards the small establishment.

Kensi was right- even his huge, puffy winter coat isn't fully protecting him from the elements. It's _frigid_. He rounds the corner to the left, and comes to a dead stop upon seeing her.

Both arms are curled up beneath her head, the backpack serving as a substitute pillow. The sun's barely beginning to lift from behind the clouds, casting shadows on her face. Deeks walks around in front of her, dropping down to a crouching position.

He cocks his head to one side, and the blocking of sunlight seems to wake Kensi up. She squints up at him, and much to Deeks' surprise a single silent tear streaks down her cheek.

"How did any of this happen?" She asks, hardly moving a muscle. "No matter what I try to tell myself, I... I just can't figure it out."

He shakes his head slowly, lifting one hand to wipe the salty water away from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

She nods weakly, closing both eyes as another couple of tears spill over. In that moment, it suddenly become readily apparent to Deeks that his tough, unbreakable, no-nonsense girlfriend has finally reached her limit.

It should be expected that _anyone_ would begin to crumble under that kind of pressure.

He grabs the backpack, gently wrapping one arm behind her shoulders and another beneath her knees. Lifting Kensi's lightweight frame proves to be rather effortless, and she smiles as they stand.

Dropping a quick kiss to the top of her forehead, Deeks begins to make his way back towards the truck.

"Come on, Kens. Let's go home."


	18. Tether

**Not sure what more I can say up here, besides acknowledging the fact that your support has continued to be absolutely amazing! I read each and every one of your reviews- thank you so much for all the kind words:)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

Deeks drives down the empty, desolate highway, the radio turned completely off so Kensi can sleep. She looks at least somewhat relaxed beside him, and it's a calming thing to see. Puts his mind at ease.

It's around nine now, but with the middle-of-the-night interruptions they've both received over the past couple of days, it feels like midnight. Deeks yawns widely, finding it impossible to keep both eyes open as he does so. The car swerves and he quickly grabs at the steering wheel, immediately working hard to steady his bobbing head.

Looking to the right, he's surprised to find Kensi still totally zonked out. If he didn't know her better, Deeks would be checking for a pulse.

As his heavy eyelids keep on wanting to close, he makes a rash decision to pull over on the side of the road. The last thing Deeks wants is to crash the car because of something trivial, like falling asleep at the wheel. They've had enough drama for one week.

Even after the truck comes to a standstill, Kensi remains in the exact same position- her head resting against the car window, both hands curled up beneath her cheek. The tears that stain her face have begun to dry, both eyes squeezed tightly closed.

He's sure she wants to get home- they both do. But sleep is necessary for basic functioning, so Deeks takes a leap of faith and grabs Kensi's cell phone from the cup holder.

Not wanting to awaken her, he pulls the key from the ignition and steps outside, his eyes glued to her the entire time. The emptiness that surrounds the two of them is almost eerie, but it still puts his mind at ease that there's nobody around to do a double take.

He flips the phone open, finding about thirty missed calls from Kensi's mother. His heart skips a beat but he just ignores them, sifting through her contacts list to find a different name- one listed simply as _'Dad.'_

His heart pounds as the dial tone begins to sound. Deeks shoves both hands into the pockets of his dark wash jeans, squinting one eye as he awaits a frantic answer on the other line.

After only three rings, Deeks gets exactly what he bargained for.

"Kensi?! Is that you? Where the hell did your mother take-"

"Um, no, no- Mr. Blye?"

The heavy breathing slows down, his tone lowering.

"Who is this?"

Deeks scratches the back of his head, glancing over to Kensi and bracing for impact.

"It's her... boyfriend. Marty Deeks. She called-"

"I should've know that you two would've run away again. Kensi tried to convince me into liking you, but I knew all along that I should've listened to Julia-"

"No, no, sir- please, let me explain! I'm taking Kensi _home._"

A long pause ensues, and Deeks can almost hear the wheels turning.

"Okay. But where are you?"

He glances around, giving the best description he can muster. "Nevada, but we should be crossing the border back into California pretty soon."

Kensi's dad swallows, his confidence faltering. "Um... why?"

"What do you-"

"Why is she there? Where's her mom? Why are_ you_ there?"

Deeks exhales as he leans back against the front grill, telling the story of exactly what had occurred over the past couple of days.

Kensi coming over in the middle of the night, saying goodbye. Her late night call to him, when she said that she wanted to come home. Deeks tells him that she'd planned on finding some alternate means of transportation, but that he'd offered to come and pick her up, not leaving any room for protest.

"Thank you for doing that," he says simply as Deeks wraps up his little rant. The words are kind, but Deeks can tell that his mind is elsewhere.

"Yeah, of course. I really just wanted you to know that she's safe."

Donald sighs. "Okay. Good. That's... that's good."

He doesn't prompt another question, but Deeks feels it's implied and gives an answer regardless. "We should be home later tonight. I wanted to know if I had permission to pull over and sleep for a little while though... I've been nodding off."

"While driving?"

"Yeah. Um, I mean, yes_ sir._" He has to keep on correcting himself. This is Kensi's _father, _so he has to sound grown.

"Go ahead, then. It sounds like you could use the rest. Is she asleep?"

Deeks looks behind his shoulder. "Uh-huh. Has been for the past couple of hours, since I picked her up."

"Is she... okay?"

He folds one arm across his chest. "Not really, sir. I think she's mostly just confused."

"Okay." The sadness is evident in his tone. "Bring her home for me?"

Deeks stands up tall. "Yes sir."

There isn't any sort of an acknowledgement on the other end, just a dropped call.

* * *

The sun awakens Kensi, successfully pulling her out of a sleep induced daze. Glancing to her left, she finds the driver's seat beside her occupied. Deeks is sleeping beside her, his jaw hanging open as the car remains idle on the side of the road.

Checking the time on her phone, Kensi finds that it's almost noon- which seems a bit late in the day for them to be taking a rest.

"Deeks?" She says, her voice surprisingly croaky as she rattles his shoulder. "Deeeeeeeeks?"

"Hmm? What?" He perks up immediately, wiping at his eyes. "What time is it? Do we need to go? I'm sorry, I never should've-"

"Heeeeey," Kensi says, drawing out the word and placing both hands out to calm him before he throws the car into drive. "It's fine, we're fine."

"Oh. Okay," he says, settling back into the seat.

"Were you napping?" She asks, though the answer already seems obvious.

Deeks rubs his eyes, yawning widely. "Yeah, but I called to make sure it was okay first."

"Called who?"

"Your dad."

Her throat constricts. Even_ Kensi_ hadn't been brave enough to do that yet.

"My... my dad?"

He nods sleepily. "Yeah. I asked him if we could park the car and nap for a bit before the long drive. He told me that it was fine... your dad doesn't want me falling asleep at the wheel, it seems. Not too shocking."

"What else did you tell him?"

"Well..." He cocks his head to the side. "Everything."

"_Everything?"_

"Everything that I know. I'm sure he could put the pieces together."

Kensi nods slowly, looking sullen as she stares at the floorboard.

"I'm sorry," he adds. "It wasn't really my place, I just-"

"No, Deeks," Kensi interrupts, extending a hand out to rest on his arm. "Thank you for doing that. I'm glad you told him."

"Really?" He looks relieved, but in a puzzled sort of way.

"Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to be the person to deliver that news." Kensi shakes her head, once again diverting her gaze off of him. "I can't believe she would ever do that to him, honestly."

"Do what?"

When her head lifts, both eyes are sparkling with tears. Kensi pushes them back though- she won't let a single water droplet escape. Not again. She's craving _numbness, _not emotion.

"I just can't believe my mom _left, _without giving my dad any sort of a reason." She inhales sharply, anger overriding the sadness. "He deserves better than that, Deeks. He deserves better than her."

"I know," he says, though he really doesn't. But when it comes down to it, all Deeks can do is try and sympathize with her. Maybe carry some of the weight.

"Life seemed so perfect for awhile, ya know?" Kensi glances out the window, her fists clenching. "I moved, found you, became _happy. _Then my dad was on his way home, and he was going to help me sort everything out with my mom. It was all going to be okay, in the end. But we didn't even get a chance to do _any_ of it. She just..." Kensi lazily tosses an arm in the air. "Ran away."

"I'm sorry."

She waves him off, sniffling. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"That's a lie."

"No it's not."

"Come on. I know you, Kens- you only say that you're fine when you aren't actually _fine."_

"I'm-" She stops herself upon turning to look at him directly. "Okay, maybe I'm not fine."

"I know."

"But I will be soon enough. It's over now." Her eyes grow hard and stiff. "I need to just move on."

He shakes his head, snorting for emphasis, not humor. "You can't be so hard on yourself, Kens. You've had, _what,_ a little over a day to process this? That's nothing."

"There's no good in riding on the bad."

"You're right. But pushing everything down and telling yourself that it's all fine when it's not doesn't help much either, now does it?"

Kensi stares at him for a long moment before chuckling lightly, looking down to her lap.

"What?"

"You didn't realize that you were falling in love with a wild card, did ya? Now you have to help me clean up this... this _mess."_

Deeks shrugs, not seeming phased as he jets out his lower lip. "I figured it out pretty quickly. First day we met, you told me that you moved around a lot. I decided that I'd just deal with it. I liked you."

"But if you knew that, why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Fall for me."

He smiles, eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, Kens. That's not how it works."

"Maybe. But you... you just kept _trying, _no matter what_. _You were so persistent with me."

He shrugs again. "I liked you. A lot. That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? You're supposed to try."

"I mean..." Deeks' eyebrows are raised, but he's still grinning. "Yeah. You're right."

"Then why are you still hesitating?"

"Because I feel bad, Deeks!" She exclaims, tossing both hands in the air. "I roped you into this. It's like I tricked you into loving me, when I knew all along how crazy my life can be."

"Back then, all you knew was that your dad's job happened to be a bit unstable. That's it. You couldn't have anticipated anything more."

She nods and subsequently shakes her head at the same time, as if there's a puzzle sitting in front of her that just can't be deciphered.

"I know."

He waits for something more, but it doesn't come so Deeks just fills the silence.

"You didn't rope me into anything, either. I love you because I love you. It can't be helped."

"Wow. How poetic."

"I've gotten about three hours of sleep over the past two and a half days. I think you can cut me some slack."

"Sorry about that," she mumbles, sheepishly crossing her arms.

Deeks waves her off instantly. "No biggie. I don't mind it. Sleep is for losers."

"You just pulled over to take a nap before driving the rest of the way home."

"That's different. I'm merely working to keep you safe, and if that means I have to nap on the side of the road, I'll do it."

She chuckles, her voice still groggy. "I appreciate the sacrifice."

"Don't sweat it. But we should probably hit the road now."

"Probably."

"I still want your dad to like me. He won't if we come rolling in at two am."

"I'm pretty sure he already likes you, especially after all of this."

"All of what?"

"You, driving to Nevada in the middle of the night to pick me up."

"It sounds rather gallant, when you put it that way."

"You were pushy, but yes- you were also gallant."

"How was I pushy? I just didn't want you trying to hitchhike your way back to California."

"I was never gonna hitchhike, Deeks!"

"Then what was your plan?"

"I dunno... take the bus?"

"Was there a bus station anywhere around? Did you have any money, or know what state you were in? I'm pretty certain that my assistance was necessary."

She narrows her eyes, speaking begrudgingly. "Fine. _Touche."_

"Ah-ah," Deeks says, winking as he revs the engine. "There it is."


	19. Formalities

**Thank you all for the love and support, I hope to give you guys back the awesomeness ten fold with this chapter, as well as future ones! Please enjoy, and leave a review if you do! :)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

He approaches the house slowly around ten that night, once again carrying Kensi towards the front door. They'd taken their time getting home, and eventually, as Deeks drove and they chatted, she fell asleep in the middle of a conversation.

It made him smile, though. The simple fact that she was calm enough to get some much needed rest made his heart swell.

By time his feet hit the walkway, Kensi's father is already holding the front door open for him. He's standing tall and stoic, but Deeks can tell that he's damaged. It's an easy thing for him to pick up on- even in the bravest of people.

The man simply nods, not saying a word even as Deeks comes closer. Kensi's head is resting against his chest, both arms lazily strewn atop her stomach.

He gives Donald a small, toothless smile as he crosses the threshold into the house, immediately heading for the stairs. Trudging up them at a relaxed pace, he glances down at the girl sound asleep in his arms.

Her features look angelic and at peace. He smiles.

Upon reaching her room Deeks lays Kensi down on the bed, grabbing a throw blanket and pulling it up to cover her shoulders.

"Love you," he murmurs in her ear, not anticipating any sort of a response.

With her eyes still closed, Kensi whispers a barely audible reply.

"Love you too."

It sounds as if she's still sleeping, but even if it's a dream he's just happy to be a part of it.

Spinning around, Deeks finds Kensi's father hovering in the doorway. He doesn't seem upset or put off whatsoever, as his expression is firm and emotionless.

Deeks nods at him and slips back into the hall, jogging down the steps two at a time. He feels like he should leave, but at the same time the idea of running away without so much as a proper introduction seems rude.

So as his feet leave the carpeted stairs and hit the hardwood flooring of the entryway, he pauses, waiting for Kensi's father to do the same.

"I've heard quite a lot about you, Martin," he says, hands folded behind his back. "It seems you live up to the hype."

Deeks chuckles in nervousness, trying not to seem put off by the use of his first name. "Thank you."

Donald nods, his expression softening. "I don't know many people that would've done what you did. Driving across the state in the middle of the night, just to go pick up a girl."

"She's not just a girl, sir. Not to me."

He smiles. "Not to me, either. Kensi's pretty special."

"Over the past couple of months... I've definitely figured that out," Deeks says, exhaling as he backs towards the front door, not wanting to overstay his welcome. "Goodnight, sir."

"Wait, hold on," Donald responds, grabbing at the door handle before he can make a run for it. "Where are you, um... living at the moment?"

Deeks swallows as he realizes that Kensi has most likely filled him in on the details of his peculiar predicament.

"I'm living with a friend right now." He scratches the back of his head, looking to the floor. "I'm doing alright."

Donald nods slowly, a small smile tugging at each corner of his mouth.

"Glad to hear it. But if you're ever in need of a place to stay... our door is always open."

Deeks is taken aback by the gesture, but still presents Kensi's father with a beaming smile. "Wow, um... thank you, sir."

He's doesn't even have to initiate a handshake, as Mr. Blye does it first.

"You can call me Donald."

Deeks nods, replicating the gesture with a grin.

"And you can call me Deeks."

* * *

He walks back in through the front door, tossing his car keys on the coffee table before collapsing down into the couch.

"Where the hell did you go?" Ray asks, suddenly appearing before him in the living room.

Deeks wipes his eyes, yawning as he speaks.

"Nevada."

"_Nevada?"_

"Yeah."

"Why?"

He cocks his head to one side, dropping both hands back to the couch.

"Seriously."

"Oh. Kensi?"

"No, I just felt like going on a one-man jaunt across the state at two am. _Yes, _for Kensi!"

"Is she okay?" He asks, sitting down on one of the chairs across from him.

"Yeah, she's alright. Or she will be, at least." Deeks shakes his head, massaging his temples. "That is one messed up family."

"I don't really think you should be pointing fingers."

He squints one eye, looking up to the ceiling. "Yeah. You're probably right."

"I usually am. Have you met her dad yet?"

"Uh-huh. About twenty minutes ago."

"Was it awkward?"

"Surprisingly enough... not at all."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He seemed to like me."

"Really?"

"Yup. He told me I could call him Donald."

"Really?"

"Why do you keep saying _really_?"

Ray shrugs. "You don't have the best track record when it comes to fathers."

"Neither do you."

"Sure. But I didn't just meet my girlfriend's dad for the first time, super late at night after driving her home from Nevada. I've also never skipped school with my girlfriend or run away from home with her for the night."

Deeks snorts. "You don't _have _a girlfriend."

"Hence the _never-doing-any-of-that-stuff _thing."

"Whatever. But I was bringing her home, Ray- not taking her away. There's a difference."

"There is. That's probably why he likes you."

"I assume so. I'm also devilishly handsome, and I since he only wants the best for his daughter..." Deeks motions one hand up and down his frame. "Here I am. In the flesh."

"Nobody likes an ego maniac. Just keep that in mind."

"I can handle myself. I mean, I really try my best to be respectful around him," he adds, regaining a hint of seriousness in his tone. "He's in the military. It's kinda intimidating."

"I can imagine. Is that why Kensi's so..." Ray waves his arms around in the air, looking for the correct term.

"Blunt?" Deeks offers.

"I was gonna say intense, but blunt works too."

"How is she intense?"

"Do you really not see it?"

"See what?"

Ray snickers, shaking his head. "Apparently, love _is _blind."

"Hey!" Deeks exclaims, sitting up straight. The word comes across with an unparalleled sharpness, one that he was trying to stifle but decides to just go with instead.

"Kensi isn't intense. She's just honest, so don't try to spin it."

Ray widens his eyes, stifling a laugh as he lifts both hands in the air.

"Dude. Do you hear yourself?"

Deeks softens after a moment of silence, settling back into the couch. "Sorry. I'm a little protective of her. Sometimes to a fault."

He snorts. "Yeah, I'll say."

Deeks sighs, flipping his head back against the cushions to peer at the ceiling. Ray watches him with a steady gaze, rubbing his chin.

"You really love this girl, don't you?"

He tries not to appear shocked, but Deeks is clearly taken aback by the raw and honest remark.

"Yeah, I mean... yeah."

It sounds short and vague, but that's all he can do, really. _Agree._

"I don't think you'd do that, even for me."

"Do what?"

"Drive down to Nevada and pick me up in the middle of the night."

"I don't see why I'd ever need to."

"A couple of days ago you would've said the exact same thing about Kensi."

"Maybe."

Ray chuckles. "Whatever. She's a girl, I'm a guy- I should be able to fend for myself. I get it."

"I think Kensi trumps you in the 'badass' department, actually."

"Seriously?"

"Yup. She..." He smiles at the ground, shaking his head. "She's the bravest. And the toughest."

"Yet you still went to go save her."

"She didn't want me too. I pressed for it."

"Why?"

He shrugs, believing that his answer should be obvious.

"Kensi's my girl. I like to be her _knight in shining armor,_if I can."

"How gallant of you."

"That's what she tells me."

Ray laughs, recalling his conversation with Kensi a couple of days prior, humoring himself as he realizes how glaringly similar their responses to his questions are.

"You two are nauseating."

Deeks' grin just widens. "In the very best way possible, I presume?"

"That's not what I was going for."

"That's how I'm going to interpret it."

"Go for it."

"I will."

Rolling his eyes, Ray lifts himself from the chair and walks towards his bedroom, patting Deeks on the shoulder as he passes.

"One day, when you two are married, we're gonna laugh about this. _All_ of this."

Deeks jumps up to follow him, a look of complete and utter disbelief gracing his features.

"Really? _Married? _I'm seventeen."

"You won't be seventeen forever."

"This is ridiculous. Why are we even having this conversation?"

Ray just keeps walking in the opposite direction, but as he speaks Deeks can practically hear him smiling.

"Night, dude."


	20. Pressure

**My apologies for the slight delay in an update, but I ought to be writing much more frequently now as I'm off school for holiday break! I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please review as always! I love reading them:)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

She hears something reminiscent of bells chiming in the distance. It sounds somewhat familiar yet still rather vague, and it takes Kensi a long moment to understand exactly where the sound is coming from.

It's simply the repetitious chime of her doorbell.

Kensi contemplates who could possibly be coming over at this late of an hour, and just assumes that her father has somehow managed to lock himself out. She chuckles at the thought, pulling herself out of bed and checking the wall clock as she passes. It's just around midnight now, so it stands to reason that he'd be coming home. _Maybe drinks with the guys ran a little late?_

As Kensi descends the staircase the doorbell goes off about three more times, the repetitive noise making her want to break something. It's persistence is unnerving.

"Geez, Dad! I'm coming, just try to be patient for one sec-"

She swings the door open, and immediately stops speaking upon discovering that the person standing in front of her _is not _Donald Blye.

Instead, Kensi is staring at a police officer.

He shifts around uneasily, his face sullen and his eyes dropping from what seems to be exhaustion. Her heart instantly begins to palpitate, as she's sure that this stranger isn't just dropping in for a visit in the middle of the night.

"H-how can I help you?" She asks, both eyebrows thoroughly furrowed.

"Um..."

The man collects himself, clearing his throat and trying to stand tall as his eyes dart around her face. His demeanor his even more off putting, so she prompts the cop with yet another question before even giving him the chance to respond.

"What's going on? Is something wrong?"

By now he's had the chance to get his emotions in check, and seems ready to speak.

"Sorry to disturb, ma'am- are you Kensi Blye?"

She turns her head to the side, narrowing both eyes.

"Yes. Who are you?"

"My name is Joseph Laine, LAPD." He flashes her his badge, and she feels the terror set in. "I regret to inform you that your father has been involved in a... _car accident, _this evening."

_Car accident._ The two words hang in the air for awhile, everything else in her mind taking a backseat.

Kensi's face turns ashen as panic washes over her. It threatens to pull her beneath the surface, but she tries with all her might to keep it at bay. Kensi has to be strong- it's how her father has always taught her to be.

"Is he alright?"

Officer Laine clenches his jaw, both eyes softening. Suddenly he looks less like a cop, and more like a father.

"I'm sorry, but-"

There it is. _But- _a single word that changes everything.

She's always tried to brace herself for the possibility of losing him, but no amount of preparation could get Kensi ready for hearing something like this. Her stomach's churning, her mouth is going dry.

"Please no," she whispers as a hand flies up to cover her mouth, muffling the words as they try to escape. "No no no, please-"

"Ma'am, I need you to try and calm down-"

"No!"

He shrinks back at her ear-splitting exclamation, which is desperate and filled with anger.

Kensi's breathing becomes staggered, her heart aching as she asks a question, hoping to get a 'no' in response.

"Is he gone?"

"Ma'am-"

She closes her eyes, hating each and every syllable as they escape her lips.

"Is he?"

There's a silence, but Kensi can't force herself to look at him. If she does, that means it's real.

"Yes."

No longer can she breathe or think properly. It's as if her body is shutting down, refusing to work.

Panic completely encapsulates her, superseding all other feeling or sense of emotion that might try and possess her. His words reverberate deep into the chasms of her mind, as if she's just been screamed at and taken a blow to the face. The officer's statement was gently worded and soft spoken, but the difference means nothing to her.

No longer is Kensi held back by the bounds of sanity. Her mind can travel where ever it pleases, her lips can utter whatever defiant sentence they wish to.

"I-I'm so sor-"

She holds a hand up and turns around, sinking to a crouching position in the doorway. Kensi doesn't want his pity, nor does she crave any of the formalities that he's trying to console her with. Impersonal apologies, or the proverbial _"I'm so sorry for your loss" _won't do.

Being a military daughter, she's seen it all before. And when one of her father's friends dies, Kensi always gives out exactly what she suddenly _doesn't_ want to receive.

In the back of her mind she's faintly annoyed at herself for using those phrases on others so many times in the past, but it doesn't matter anymore. She's _experiencing _it, not comforting those who are.

"I'm supposed to take you down there, if you'd like to go," he says, whispering the words as if not wanting to spook her. The officer is treating Kensi like she's a grenade, ready to explode at any minute.

Her brain wants to go, but her heart doesn't. It's a toss up.

She decides rather quickly though that in this precarious of a situation, Kensi's brain should win over her heart. The latter is broken and bruised- she probably shouldn't listen to it, at least for the time being.

So Kensi stands up, the motion cumbrous despite her many attempts at stabilization.

"Let's go," she says, her voice croaky. 'Being strong' isn't exactly in the cards for her right now.

The officer looks down at her with an expression of sadness and utter despair, as if his heart is aching for her. She assumes from the brief, two second glance they share that the man has children, quite possibly even a daughter. Something in his eyes just _screams_ it.

Kensi chokes on one of her own sobs, pushing past him. _Don't be weak, _she tells herself scoldingly. _Don't let him see you crumble._

A patrol car is parked out in the driveway. The shiny white roof glistens in the light of the moon, and as she looks upward for a brief moment Kensi wonders how the sky can be so beautiful when her life has just become unbelievably foul.

She assumes it's selfish to believe that the weather should reflect her mood, but decides in the end that selfishness is an okay thing to feel. At the moment it's warranted, and nobody in their right mind is going to tell her otherwise.

The door opens with ease as her fingers greet the handle, and Kensi doesn't bother being gentle as she slams it shut, slipping on the seatbelt. Her head remains tucked as Officer Laine follows close behind, but she can almost feel his gaze boring into her skull, his eyes closely monitoring her each and every move.

The man doesn't speak, though. What can he offer up that will make her feel better, or change the outcome? Nothing at all.

Kensi tries to do the same, but finds it impossible not to cry. She turns her head, staring out the window as they pull away from her home, a couple of impotent yet still aching whimpers finding their way out of her mouth.

Certain that she's sounding like an invalid, Kensi wraps one arm around her midsection and props an elbow up on top of it, just so she can try to muffle her own voice.

It's hard to stifle herself, though. Hell- it's hard to _think._

Processing everything is proving to be the most challenging part. It's as if the truth hasn't sunken in yet, like her body is protesting any sort of acceptance. A grave loss is glaring down at her, hoping she'll stumble and fall beneath the pressure.

But she won't let it overtake her. Not yet, anyways.


	21. Losses

**There's not a whole lot more for me to say up here besides thank you! Your support has been incredible and is always consistent, and I love you guys for it. :)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"What are we doing, dude?" Ray asks from his spot on the couch, seated directly next to Deeks.

"Huh?"

"Why are doing this?" He incredulously points at the TV. "It's super late on a Friday night, and we're sitting here- drinking beer and watching Nick-At-Night."

Deeks takes a swig of his drink of choice. "So? It's a fabulous source of entertainment."

Ray stares at him for just a moment before dropping and shaking his head. "Wow."

"What?"

"Nothing. You just act like you're so old, it's funny."

"How do I act like I'm old?"

"You drink _my alcohol_, which is illegal, by the way-"

"Whatever."

"-and you spend the night in on a _Friday. _Don't you and Kensi have some party to go to?"

He laughs, rolling his eyes. "Finals week just ended. We're _both _exhausted."

Ray nods, and no more than five seconds later Deeks' cell phone begins to buzz. It's laying out on the coffee table, so the caller ID is glaring back at them.

"Maybe Kensi isn't tired anymore?"

Deeks rolls his eyes, reaching for the phone.

"Hello gorgeous. Please say that you can save me from the jackal that I'm currently living with?"

At the sound of his voice, she crumbles. Deeks' heart pounds as her muffled tears easily emit through the line, a vague noise of sirens following closely behind.

"Kens... what's wrong?" He asks, shooting up from the couch. "Are you alright?"

There's a bit more heavy breathing, and then a vague reply.

"No."

He scratches the back of his neck, eyes dancing around the room as he searches for his car keys.

"Where are you?"

She sucks in some air, her lungs once again failing to do their job properly.

"I'm at, um... exit 14. Right off the 405."

Although Deeks has no idea what any of this means, he listens to her instructions carefully and prepares himself for whatever lies ahead.

"I"m on my way. Hang tight."

He hangs up the phone, both eyes wide as his mind continues to spin. Ray quickly chimes in though, stopping the downward spiral.

"What the hell is going on?"

Deeks knits his eyebrows, shaking his head.

"I have absolutely no idea."

"You didn't ask?"

Just as the words exit his mouth, Ray realizes how incredibly stupid the question was. It's clear that Kensi hadn't really given him a chance.

"Right, right- sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come?"

"No. Just me."

"Alright. Call if you need anything."

Deeks nods, the movement slight and indirect. His mind is _clearly_ elsewhere. Spinning around in one fluid motion he makes a break for the exit, grabbing his car keys from the table beside the door and managing to escape without another word.

* * *

He's thankful that it's the middle of the night, as there are just a couple of cars taking up space on the freeway. The needle of the speedometer is slowly creeping upwards, and soars to new heights as Deeks catches a glimpse of red and blue lights flashing in the distance.

Two cars sit in the center of the highway, completely crumpled into one another. His heart drops at the sight.

He drives directly up to the police caution tape and throws the car into park, his palms clammy with sweat. Almost instantly as he steps outside into a misty rainfall, Deeks knows that he's found his girl.

Kensi's figure stands out in the darkness, her petite frame contrasting all the uniformed men that surround her. Her back is facing him as she remains frozen in time, practically motionless. Deeks frantically tries to cross over into the guarded off area, but is stopped as he ducks under the caution tape.

"I need you to step back, you can't cross into this area."

"Please, that's my girlfriend over there- she called me and told me I needed to come-"

"I'm sorry, but you need to step back," he restates, a bit firmer the second time around.

His nostrils flare, anger building up inside of him. "I need to see her! You can't just..."

Kensi turns around at the sound of his voice, causing Deeks to trail off as his gaze hits her features. Bloodshot eyes and swollen, red cheeks stare back at him. Streaks of salty water stain her cheeks and she bites her bottom lip, holding back another onslaught of tears as they threaten to overcome her.

She sprints towards him and Deeks does the same, crossing beneath the tape. The officer doesn't say a word now, but instead easily allows him to pass through.

Kensi flings her arms around his neck, tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder. It fits perfectly, and for the time being- he's all she needs.

"He's gone, Deeks," she whispers after a long moment, feeling as if silence surrounds them despite all the cop cars and ambulances that are still making plenty of racket. "He's gone."

Kensi falls into him as his arms tighten and constrict around her. Without another word, Deeks understands exactly what's happened. He recognizes her father's car amongst the wreckage and closes his eyes, desperately wishing that he could make everything better, or change the outcome for her. For him. _For them.__  
_

But this is out of his hands, and Deeks knows it.

He doesn't bother murmuring apologies or asking her what she needs, as that would require verbalization on both parts. He doesn't know what to say, and is positively certain that she doesn't either. The sadness, highs and lows, ups and downs... that's gonna come later, and he's gonna be ready.

* * *

He parks the car out front, dropping his hand back to rest against his leg once the key has been removed from the ignition. Once she'd cried until she practically couldn't anymore, Deeks had offered to take her back to his place. Kensi hadn't really accepted the offer, nor had she refused overtook her and encapsulated her body, prohibiting the basic ability to feel anything at all.

Kensi's hungry, but she doesn't want food. She's tired, but she doesn't want to sleep. Deeks has no clue what to give her anymore, so he asks.

"What can I do?"

She's staring forward, her brows knitted as if she's studying something in the distance. But her eyes- one brown and one hazel, are completely glazed over, void of all emotion.

And then suddenly, in a move that's both unexpected and totally out of character, Kensi hops out of the car, breaking into a jog down the street.

"Wait... Kens? What are you-" Deeks steps out of the car, immediately following after her and easily keeping pace. "Kensi! Kensi stop!"

She doesn't follow his instructions exactly but slows down the pace at which she moves, giving him a chance to move closer.

"Hey!" He exclaims upon meeting her side, gently grabbing her shoulder.

Kensi slips from his grip as she sinks to the ground, remaining in a crouching position as she buries her head in her hands. No more tears can escape her eyes- it seems as if her ducts have been dried completely.

"What's going on, Deeks?" She asks, desperation for answers evident in her tone. "I just... I just don't get it. _Everything_ is falling apart."

It may have seemed for a moment like she wouldn't be able to cry anymore, but as Deeks lowers himself down beside her a couple of tears sneak out- large, round ones that roll down her cheeks like rivulets.

"Not everything," he says gently, trying to be consoling while at the same time respectful. It's such a fine line, and he's struggling to find the correct way to cross it.

"I'm sorry," Deeks adds, unsure if she wants to hear it but putting it out there anyways.

God, he feels like a moron. Now would be a good time to know how to form a complete sentence.

Deeks hears a door slam, and looks up a couple of seconds later to find Ray rushing towards them.

"Hey- is, um..." He sees Kensi crouching on the ground and lowers his voice to more of a whisper, as if trying to make it so Deeks would hear him and she wouldn't. "Is she okay?"

The lack of questioning proves that he already knows what happened tonight. He should've assumed that the news was already going to be blasting about it.

Kensi lifts her head to glance at Deeks upon hearing the question and springs upwards, forcing him to do the same. She doesn't want Ray to see her like this.

The fear of others knowing that she has basic emotions is irrational, but one that she has regardless of that fact. He approaches slowly and steadily, coming up to stand beside them.

"It's gonna be okay," Deeks says, hating himself for providing her with such a cliché sentiment, but finding nothing better in his repertoire.

"Look, Deeks..." She swallows, trying to collect herself but failing miserably at a task that seems undoable. "I don't have a place to stay, and-and I don't have a family..."

It takes Ray only a matter of seconds to respond, his tone definitive. "You have a place to stay."

Deeks nods. "And you have a family."

Her eyes begin to sting as he wraps one arm tightly around her waist, pulling her close.

"Come on, Kens. Let's go home."


	22. Saying Goodbye (Part 1)

**Hello everyone! So I'm breaking this section of the story up into two parts, rather than just cramming it all into one chapter. I think it flows better that way- you'll probably see what I mean as you continue reading on. Anyways, thank you for all of your love and support, I really can't say enough how much it means to me! **

**-Hazel**

* * *

She can hardly believe this is actually happening.

It was foreshadowed, and something that always comes along with death. You have to bury them, hold a service in honor of their memory.

But as Kensi stands in front of a full length mirror, adjusting the skirt of her conservative black fit and flare dress so it runs straight, she can hardly breathe. Her father was _never _supposed to die like this.

Donald had promised her that on more than one occasion- telling his little girl that he'd be safe, and that he'd be coming home soon.

He'd managed to keep that promise for years and years, before eventually dying just a couple of miles away from home.

_Completely unfair._

She grabs a strand of pearls from the top of the dresser, winding them around her neck before pinching the clasp shut. The room is eerily quiet, just a couple of muffled chirps coming from the birds perching on trees outside her bedroom window.

Kensi's fingers trace over the necklace, lingering for a couple of seconds on each individual pearl. She's only ever worn it once before- to some Christmas party that took place years ago. Never had that type of jewelry qualified as being 'her style.'

But they were a gift from her father, so Kensi decides earlier in the day that she's going to wear them with pride.

Glancing away from the mirror, her eyes catch on the clock. She finds that they only have about ten more minutes until it's time to hit the road.

As her body rotates back towards the mirror, she exhales a single shaky breath. Her eyes are stinging but she defiantly looks towards the ceiling, hoping that the forces of gravity will work in her favor and the tears will stay at bay.

"Kens?" There's a knock at the door, and a soft voice speaking from the other side. "Can I come in?"

Usually he wouldn't even ask, just enter. But the circumstances are different, now- quite a lot has changed over the past few days. She _lives _with him now.

He'd gone over to Kensi's old house for her, going into her room and loading just about everything into his truck. She just couldn't do it, not yet, so when he offered up the proposition there was no way he could turn it down.

"Sure," Kensi responds weakly, her hands trembling as she pulls half of her curls up into a barrette.

Deeks enters, his blue eyes dull and sad. He closes the door and leans one shoulder against it, the fabric of his crisp black suit crinkling.

"You look beautiful, Kens."

There isn't a hint of flirtation in his voice, only an unparalleled sincerity.

"Thank you," she says quietly, looking to the floor.

_He's really not making this any easier._

"I've got my truck parked out front, whenever you're ready to go."

Kensi simply nods, again turning her attention towards the figure staring back at her in the mirror. It doesn't really look like herself- all prim and proper. But Kensi knows that she has to accept the change, so she does.

"Oh, by the way," he adds before closing the door. "I um... I just want you to know that if you need anything-"

"I know," she interjects, her smile and words both delivered with a soft spoken gentleness. "Thank you."

He nods, giving her a halfhearted smile. "Always."

* * *

They drive towards the church in silence. Kensi keeps a box of her father's letters on her lap, all ten fingers tightly gripping the exterior of the old and worn out keepsake.

As she stares out the window Deeks continuously sneaks little glances in her direction, keeping an eye on his girl all the way to the church.

"You ready?" Deeeks asks, swallowing as he stops the car and she finally turns to face him.

She exhales. "Ready as I'll ever be."

He nods, but doesn't immediately hop out of the truck like she'd expected him too.

"I love you," he adds. "I feel like I haven't been saying it enough over the past couple of days. I just want you to know that... I'm still here."

Kensi swallows hard, pushing the car door open as she nods.

"I know. And I love you for it."

* * *

Before the service, Kensi and Deeks have to wander around a large banquet hall and try to make smalltalk with people whom she hasn't seen for years. It feels surreal, like she's just floating through this room of acquaintances and old friends, trying not to burst.

Deeks holds her hand the entire time, keeping her grounded. When it seems as if she's about to crumble, his smile and unwavering protectiveness helps her stay afloat.

His eyes are practically speaking, with each glance. '_It's gonna be okay,' _they keep on telling her. '_Just a little bit longer.'_

For Kensi, one of the most difficult moments to bear is the entering of the church. Every person is seated, all eyes on her as they walk through the massive wood doors. Deeks drops her hand before they walk in because he knows that she needs to stand at least somewhat alone in this, but still remains close to her side- gravitating towards her like a magnet.

They take their seats in the very front row, Kensi keeping her head tucked as they go. She's always hated being the center of attention, and despises it even more under these circumstances. One by one people come forward and give their little speeches, the speakers mostly consisting of her father's teammates.

There isn't much to compare and contrast with the words that are spoken about her father. The vocabulary terms remain pretty standard throughout- he was brave, heroic and a _'fighter.' _

When it finally comes time for Kensi to stand and speak, she moves slowly towards the podium- both hands shaking as her knees threaten to buckle. She clears her throat and finds that a choking sob nearly escapes, but she just barely manages to stifle it.

"My father was an incredibly brave man."

There's that word again. _Brave. _She silently condemns herself for using it, but knows that there isn't anything more well suited to describe him with.

"He sacrificed everything for this country, for his people... but it never got to him, nor did it bother him. Giving up a normal life to keep others safe came naturally to him. There was no other option. You stand, and you fight."

She looks down at her own scribbled handwriting, a small cry escaping her lips. "He lived for me, though. That's what he told me, and I've always believed him. He showed me everything and taught me everything. Through him I learned how to be independent, and how to find my place in the world. I was always supposed to hold true to the standards he'd put in place for me, and find a way to make my stand. That was my goal in life."

Kensi takes a brief moment to exhale before continuing. "But above all else, my father always told me that if I was lucky, I'd find someone willing to stand alongside me."

She glances to Deeks, tears welling up in her eyes. He easily catches the implication and smiles toothlessly, making Kensi's heart lurch into her throat. Rather than breaking down completely though, something in his gaze gives her the strength to carry on.

"My father made me want to help people, and change the world in any small way that I could. I hope that, _one day,_ I'll turn out to be as great of a person as he was." She swallows before giving her final remarks. "So, with that said, even in his absence I'm going to keep on striving for greatness… just as he always taught me to."

Kensi fights back tears as she steps off the podium, a couple of stifled cries ringing out from the crowd.

Although she tries with all her might not to be annoyed as she listens to the tearfulness of others around her, she finds the fact that her cries are indistinguishable amongst the rest to be rather infuriating. Nobody there has suffered anywhere close to the amount of loss she has, and just _accepted _it. That's the worst part, really.

Kensi doesn't get a fight, and neither does her father. He's just gone.

Deeks grabs her hand the minute she takes her seat, his fingers intertwining with hers before moving back down to rest in the small space between them. She's crying, and he utterly despises it. Deeks won't try to comfort her and say that it'll all turn out fine in the end, because he can't make those types of promises. Not when there's little or no proof to back them up.

Kensi's lost her father, and they both have to deal with the repercussions that come along with it.


	23. Saying Goodbye (Part 2)

**Thank you for all of the usual awesomeness! I want to assure you guys that I really do have a plan, and everything I'm doing (whether or not it may seem sad for the time being) serves a purpose. Eventually, you'll see that it's all for the best.****_ *Eventually.* _****;)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Time moves in slow motion as they drive towards the cemetery. Deeks' car is the first in the precession, all others following closely behind him. Police officers follow along on either side, prohibiting all other traffic from getting in their way.

Kensi looks out the window to the right, her eyes avoiding the hearse that seems to be staring them down. It's glossy black exterior is glaring at her, serving as a reminder of the loss she's just suffered. It almost seems mocking, in a way, and for reasons completely unbeknownst to Kensi the sight just sends shockwaves through her body.

"Your speech was really beautiful. I think your dad would've been proud."

Kensi snaps her head over to face Deeks, pulling herself out of the trance she was momentarily lost in.

"Oh... thanks."

She smiles, trying to push back the tears that are teetering on the brims of her eyes.

"I wish I could've gotten to know him better," he adds, his gaze boring into the car ahead. "It all happened so quickly."

Exhaling, she forces herself to sit up and speak.

"I told him about you, Deeks. He knows."

He glances at her, offering up a small smile.

Kensi swallows and nods mutely. It's all she can manage.

"I promise. He knows."

She tries to stare out the side window again, but finds that as she rotates arounf her eyes catch on the car in front of them. She just can't seem to tear herself away from it.

Kensi knows that her father is inside.

* * *

As they approach the hearse she tucks her head, trying to hide the redness in her eyes from the small group of friends and family that surround her. Everyone keeps shooting her these pitiful little looks, as if to deliver a silent apology that they just can't seem to muster up.

'_How cowardly,' _she thinks. '_Just say it to my face.'_

The pole bearers move at a glacial pace, their motions slow and precise as they slide the coffin out of the vehicle. Her father's teammates were given the honor, and even with their tough demeanors and strong exterior facades, Kensi can easily tell that they're hurting. It's impossible to disguise.

She stands and watches in something remotely resembling disbelief, finding the entire scenario incredibly difficult to digest. Her father really is gone, and she comes to realize that fact in a single moment of stunned amazement.

Well he's not exactly _gone_ per say, he's locked in a box directly in front of her. Just the thought sends shivers down her spine.

Deeks watches Kensi with a steady gaze, his eyes zipping back and forth from her to the coffin that they're following closely behind. Once it's been placed in front of the rows of chairs they both take a seat, Kensi thoroughly dreading that they have watch it all unfold from the front row. She'd much prefer to just sit in the back, away from all the attention they've been receiving throughout the day.

The single military trumpet rings out loudly, an eerily familiar song echoing around the cemetery grounds. Kensi closes her eyes for a short moment, trying to take a step back from the situation at hand but finds instead that she's only thrown further in.

Images play out before her mind, flashbacks of some sort.

Kensi at age four as her father taught her how to ride a bike. The father-daughter dance they'd attended together in kindergarden, something her mother had forced them both into. His first deployment, and how she'd clutched onto one of his legs at the airport, sobbing uncontrollably as she was pulled away.

Those are things that Kensi will _never_ forget.

She forces herself to watch through blurred vision as the flag is pulled tautly across the coffin, each soldier holding a portion close to their chest before folding it in, bit by bit. She clenches her jaw as her throat constricts, and a small cry that she can't manage to stifle slips out.

Deeks reaches for her hand in silence just as he'd done back at the church, but this time around, rather than simply allowing him to do it without any acknowledgement, Kensi squeezes his fingers tightly between hers. He's her security blanket, and she needs him now more than ever.

Kensi has to pull back rather quickly though, as before she knows it a man is kneeling on the ground before her. She opens her palms to him, and he immediately places a folded up flag in her hands.

"Ma'am, this flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation, as an expression of appreciation for your fathers heroic achievements." He lifts his hands away from the flag, leaving it to rest on her lap. "You have my deepest condolences."

Kensi nods, barely moving her head up and down as he steps away. She grips the piece of fabric with all of her strength, tightly clutching to the last remaining piece of him that she still has in her possession.

The marine salutes her, slowing raising one hand up towards his forehead before backing away.

"Atten-tion!"

The marines raise their rifles high into the sky, and one by one the gunshots ring out, each one somehow sounding more final than the last. They pierce the silence like a knife, slicing through the peaceful morning sky.

Birds flap their wings and fly away at the sound. Kensi wishes that she could go with them, as stopping herself from buckling forward and screaming is becoming more and more difficult with the passing time.

Regardless of how she's feeling, that just isn't going to happen. She has to stay, sit, and relive the loss.

Although Kensi knows that this is all customary, and that they're honoring him with the service, she can't help but feel that her father wouldn't want it to be like this. He wouldn't want to see her suffering through such a painstaking memorial.

But no matter how Kensi spins it, he deserves this, at the very least. He deserves to be _honored. _

Before she's really ready for it, the gunshots finish ringing out with one final, booming shot. It feels as if one of the bullets has somehow strayed away from it's line of fire and lodged itself into her heart. An eerie stillness follows closely after, all four rows of people completely hushed.

That doesn't last for long, though. As everyone stands up to go, there aren't voices so much as there is rustling- people grabbing their purses and jackets, sniffling as they exit.

Kensi can't seem to move, though. She's practically paralyzed.

Deeks remains seated beside her, totally docile as everyone continues to clear out. He watches as she stares forward at the coffin, both eyes narrowed as if she's studying something he just can't seem to see.

"Kens?" He asks quietly after another couple minutes of silence. They're the only remaining guests.

She lifts her head, nodding. "I know."

_It's time to go. _The words aren't added, but they're easily implied. _It's time to say goodbye. _

Deeks stands slowly and offers her one of his hands, which she takes willingly. He doesn't pull her along, but rather allows Kensi to pull _him_ along instead.

She leads them towards the coffin, running two fingers across the shiny, ebony surface. He'll be spending eternity inside of it, so she figures that it's important to get one final glance.

"Bye dad," Kensi whispers, the two words broken and barely audible. She can feel her eyes begin to sting again, and decides that now is a good time to go. Leaving will surely only get harder with time.

As Kensi turns back around she keeps her pace slow, practically crushing Deeks' fingers with her unwavering grip. He moves steadily by her side, not saying a word as they separate and climb into his truck.

She pulls the door shut and leans her head back against the seat, staring outside. Deeks doesn't start the car as expected, but keeps his eyes planted on Kensi until she finally will turn to look at him.

Her features are exhausted and her cheeks bright red. Kensi doesn't say a word, as she senses that there's something he wants to let out and she doesn't have the energy to interject.

"Let me help," he offers, his eyebrows furrowed. "I just… I wanna do _something_. Anything."

Kensi's eyes flutter, hoping her lashes will bat the tears away.

"I'm not sure what can be done."

She shakes her head, and immediately begins crying again. It can't be stopped.

He scoots closer towards her, his eyes drooping and glistening with a slight sheen as Kensi wraps both arms around his midsection.

Holding her back tightly, Deeks whispers sweet little nothings into her ear while the tide rolls in.


	24. Forward

**Hello lovely people! Thank you for all of the amazingness you've continued handing out to me! I appreciate it more than you could ever know, honestly. Please continue reviewing, because they're amazing to read and receive! :)**

**Oh, and happy new year! **

**- Hazel**

* * *

Slowly but surely, Kensi's downward spiral has begun to plateau. For the first couple of days after the funeral she seemed somewhat dazed and confused, and almost aggravated with herself because of it.

Both her birthday and Christmas pass with very little celebration- Deeks is stuck between feeling as if he should be doing something more, and feeling like he's doing too much. Everything is a reminder, or so it seems. He doesn't want to be the one who forces her to relive it all.

So as Deeks drives back towards their house, overthinking everything that's happened over the past couple of weeks, the phone call he receives easily seems to come out nowhere.

"Hello?" He asks, shoving the phone against his ear without even checking the caller ID first.

"Hey dude."

The voice is easily recognizable as Josh. "Oh, er, hey! How are you?"

He chuckles lightly, but it's mostly just an awkward noise to fill the silence. He knows what happened to Kensi, so there's really no point in pretending that their lives haven't changed dramatically.

"I'm good. But… how's Kensi holding up?"

He inhales sharply, uncertain as of how to properly answer the question but sure that he still has to do it regardless.

"She's better. Everyday it gets easier. But I'm not sure how much of it's real, honestly. She could be pretending."

"Not with you."

He drops the steering wheel for half a second, just to wipe his eyes- they're exhausted and so is he.

"Kensi doesn't want to see me hurting. And she knows that if _she's _hurting… I am too."

"I still don't think she'd lie about it. Don't you guys see each other, like, everyday?"

Deeks opens his mouth and then shuts it again, a smile forming. "We, um… live together."

"You… you _live _together?"

"Yeah."

"But… actually?"

"Uh-huh."

"Like, in the same house?"

"No, Josh- she lives in the dog kennel out back. _Of course _she lives in the house."

"With Ray, too?"

"No, we kicked him out. He's living on the street. We bring him blankets and food, when we have time."

A short silence ensues.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're being sarcastic?"

He narrows his eyes, nodding. Josh may be funny, but half the time he also comes off as a complete and utter moron.

"Good guess."

"You're an ass."

"Only on occasion."

"Whatever. I was just calling to see if you and Kensi wanna come to my New years Eve party."

He lifts his eyebrows, contemplating the invitation. "Oh… I'll ask her. I'm not sure if she'll say yes, though."

"Okay. Just tell her I called, and to come if she's up to it."

"Will do. Thanks."

"Of course."

Deeks hangs up the phone, tossing it on the cushion of the passenger seat. Having conversations like that one has become somewhat exhausting over the past couple of weeks. He hates speaking for Kensi, and putting words in her mouth when he isn't sure exactly sure what to tell people.

_"She's doing okay," _is what he'll say if someone asks. It doesn't really seem like a viable truth, but it's what she keeps on telling him. There doesn't seem to be another option.

He pulls into the driveway, cuts the engine, grabs his newly purchased groceries, hops out of the car and heads into the house before he can overthink Josh's proposition.

"Kens?" Deeks calls out, pushing the door closed behind him.

"In here!"

He follows the sound of her voice and finds himself in the living room. She's lounging on the couch, both feet propped up on the coffee table. He has yet to discover whether today is a bad day or a good day, but judging by the way she smiles as he sits down beside her, Deeks settles on the latter.

"I gotcha something," he says, dropping a paper bag of groceries to the coffee table.

"Whaaaaat is it?"

Kensi leans forward, studying his movements intently.

"Ice cream, for our movie night."

He grins but she doesn't, finding the expression difficult to conjure up.

"What?" He asks, freezing to study her face.

"Nothing."

_"Kensi._ There's clearly something."

She bites her bottom lip, her forehead wrinkling.

"It... it feels as if you're treating me like a kid. You don't need to _baby_ me."

He cocks his head to one side, shaking it softly.

"I'm not treating you like a kid, Kens."

"That wasn't really a question, more of a statement."

"I just…" Deeks exhales, twisting his mouth over to one side as his gaze drops to the tubs of ice cream. "I just wanna help."

She smiles. "With rocky road?"

"I thought it was worth a shot."

Kensi sighs, leaning her head on his chest as Deeks lowers himself back onto the couch. She winds both arms around his waist, and feels him soften beside her.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

She chuckles. It seems like such a silly question.

"For… everything."

"Everything?"

"You're just… you're you. And that's pretty great."

"Yeah?"

She nods, the happiness in her voice receding the more comfortable she gets.

"Yeah."

He tugs her close, sensing the change and feeling a need to acknowledge it. This has just been Kensi lately- happy then sad, without much of a time lapse in between.

"I love you."

She chuckles lightly, pushing her face into his tee shirt to muffle the sound.

"What's funny?"

"You've just been saying that a lot lately."

"Is that… okay?"

The uncertainty with which he speaks makes her heart flutter.

"Of course. It'll always be okay."

He smiles, feeling pleased with himself. "Okay, good."

She nods. "Yeah. Good."

Finally, something _good. _Something that feels right.

"Josh called while I was driving home," he says, catching Kensi before her mind can wander too far away.

"What did he have to say? Does he miss me?"

"Actually… yes. He wants us to come to his New Years Eve party."

She's silent, and Deeks takes her hesitation as a rather immediate answer. "We don't have to go, and I told him we'd think about it-"

"I'm not saying no," Kensi says, pulling away from him and immediately missing the warmth. "We should go."

His eyes widen, both eyebrows thoroughly furrowing. "Really?"

"Yeah." She shrugs, nearly sheepish but trying damn hard to play it off. "I'm… okay. Or at least I-I should be. It's about time, really."

Deeks turns his head on it's side, shooting her a sincere and almost warning glance. _"Kens."_

"Look, Deeks-"

She stands up in a feat of desperation. Kensi doesn't want this- the moping around, the pitiful looks, the trepidation.

"-stopping living my life isn't gonna get us anywhere. You know that, and so do I."

He swallows, knocking his head back and forth a few times. "Well…"

"Deeks!" She exclaims, exasperated not really at him but more so at herself. Still, he gets the brunt of it.

"Winter break is almost over, and we're gonna have to go back to school, and I need to be-be _normal _by then, so we should just go. I don't wanna have to explain myself, I really don't. I don't wanna talk about it, I don't want the questions, I just want to be okay, and-"

"Whoa, Kensi," he begins, shooting up straight and opening his palms to her. "What are you saying, here? It's been a couple of weeks, sure. But that's nothing, not really. You can't expect yourself to-to just…"

He stammers and trails off as tears well up in her eyes. Kensi shakes her head defiantly though, pushing them back. She won't allow them to take over. Not again.

She absolutely despises the loss of control. It feels as if she's drowning, like some unidentified source is trying to pull her beneath the surface.

Deeks clenches his jaw, blinking slowly. "Come here," he says, motioning at the couch.

Kensi sucks in air, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms. She wants to be tough, unbroken, and stable, but discovers that it's a obstacle. One that she just can't seem to overcome.

"What are you…?"

He lowers his voice down to a whisper, replicating the motion again. "Come here, Kens. Please."

She finds the glimmering hint of sadness in his eyes something impossible to ignore, and does as instructed- falling right back into his arms as if she'd never left in the first place.

"It's okay to _not_ be okay," he murmurs, brushing some hair away from her eyes. "Nobody is expecting that from you. I promise."

Her fingers tighten around the fabric of his tee shirt, gripping it tightly as if he's about to slip away from her. Kensi knows he's not, but no matter what the real truth might be she feels more secure when he's close. His power over her is inevitable.

"But… I don't want to be, ya know…"

"Human?"

She sighs, finding some definite truthfulness in his words.

"Yeah. I guess that's it."

He strokes her hair, hoping Kensi might take comfort in the small gesture. She does.

"Your allowed to be human, Kens."

She nods against his chest, but still presents him with a question.

"Do you promise?"

Deeks kisses the top of her head, wondering if he's been doing it too much lately but not bothering to care if he has.

"I promise."


	25. On The Eve

**Super long chapter to say thank you for all of the wonderful attention this story has been recieving. I appreciate the reviews and kind words more than you know:)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

"Hey," Deeks says, walking into the doorway of the bathroom and leaning one shoulder up against the door.

"What's up?" Kensi responds rather mindlessly, mouth ajar as she applies mascara to her eyelashes.

"You… good?"

She pauses, looking at him through the reflection in the glass as her hand and wand remain immobile in the air.

"Good?"

"Yeah." He shrugs, shifting around uncomfortably. "Ya know… good. Are_ you_ good?"

"I'm good."

Deeks nods, his lower lip protruding as he tries to seem relaxed.

"Good. That's… that's good."

Kensi lifts her eyebrows as she returns to applying her makeup, hoping for a better explanation. Clearly there's something more he wants to say, and she's fishing for it. Luckily, Deeks takes the bait.

"You know what I mean."

"Do_ you _even know what you mean?"

He clears his throat, waving his hands around in front of himself emphasis of some kind.

"I just… I wanted to see if you were good, because if you're good than I'm good, and that's… good." The words spill out of his mouth, rushing to escape the confines of his lips. "I was just checking to see if you were still good with all of this, and-"

"Your vocabulary isn't very wide today, is it?"

He smiles and chuckles because she's joking with him, and that's something Deeks thoroughly appreciates every time he sees it.

"I just wanted to see if you were good. That's all."

"I think we've already established what your intentions were."

"Okay. Good."

Kensi drops her mascara wand in mock exasperation.

"Really?"

"Great. Super great. Not good. Great."

She finally spins around to look at him head on, rather than using the glass as an intermediary.

"This is painful. Just spit it out already."

"Spit what out?"

Kensi cranes her neck forward. "Whatever it is that you're trying so hard to say without _actually _saying!"

He looks towards the ceiling, defeated.

"I was just checking to see if this is still what you wanna do."

"This, meaning…?"

"The party."

Kensi smiles softly, cocking her head to the side as she takes a couple of small steps towards him.

"I'm fine, really."

Poor word choice on her behalf. She knows it immediately.

"I'm _great, _is what I mean. I feel great. Reeeeally great. I got a new road bike for Christmas, and I'm thinking about doing a Malibu iron woman. I'm like a Shaolin monk with a young bull mixed with a very charismatic cheetah."

He narrows his eyes, smirking. "You don't have to do that with me."

"Do what?" She asks, trying to appear as innocent as possible.

"That thing you do, when you try to pretend that everything's just peachy when it's not." Kensi's smile falters somewhat as she continues listening. "You don't have to fake it with me. That's all I'm saying."

Kensi sighs, nodding slowly as she thinks over his statements. He's trying to help, she knows that. But forcing herself into a state of depression for the rest of eternity isn't going to help matters much either.

"I'm not faking anything, Deeks." Kensi's voice threatens to start shaking, but she won't allow it to. "Yes I miss him, yes I hate this, and yes- I'm still a bit torn up over this whole thing."

Deeks sucks his lips back into his mouth, sticking both hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"Okay… maybe more than a 'bit.' But I'm trying to fight it, Deeks. I'm trying to move on. If I don't… it'll swallow me. I can't just keep on reliving it. That's what I did for the first couple of days, and it was hell. I have to accept it and... and move forward."

He still looks conflicted. "Kens-"

"No, Deeks-" Her voice raises, but she forces it back down to a normal volume. "I have to do this my way. Or at least I have to try."

His eyes dance around her features, which are desperate and somewhat pleading. She's stubborn, and he just has to let her be that way. Thinking that he's going to be able to change her will get them _nowhere. _

"Okay," Deeks says quietly, his voice telling her one thing but his face telling her another. "We'll do this your way."

Kensi smiles, taking two steps forward to peck his cheek.

"Thank you."

He nods with a small sigh, tapping the doorway twice with his hand. Suddenly, it seems that the conversation is done and over, almost as if it never happened. That's the Kensi-Deeks specialty: returning to normality in matter of seconds.

"Alrighty, then. We should leave in around…" He checks his watch. "An hour?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Is Ray coming?"

"Nope."

"Does he have a date, or something?"

"The couch and a beer, apparently."

She chuckles. "Of course. I should've assumed."

"Don't sweat it, and-" He waves a finger up and down her frame. "-wear your best dress."

"We're going to the beach, Deeks."

"Okay, fine- your best sundress?"

"It's January."

"It's also about seventy degrees outside."

She glances out the window, blinded by the orange and red rays of setting sunlight that stream in through the windows.

"Touché. I'll throw on a dress."

"You have to…. this is the first party we're going to as a couple."

She raises her eyebrows. "Wow. You're right. I hadn't even thought of that."

"I know. What would you do without me, Fern?"

Kensi shrugs, turning back towards the mirror to finish applying her makeup.

"I have no idea."

* * *

"You made it!" Josh exclaims, jogging towards them from across the beach. Kensi and Deeks hold hands as they stroll towards him, keeping a leisurely pace.

"We did," he says with a small smile and nod, glancing down to Kensi as she returns the gesture.

She's wearing a long, heather gray maxi dress and a black oversized sweater to match. Her hair is down, flowing over her shoulders in pools of soft waves. As usual, Kensi looks like a typical Californian beauty.

"I'm sorry about your dad," Josh says, clearly feeling uncomfortable as he brings up the elephant in the room.

But rather than making the situation any more awkward for the three of them, Kensi just smiles toothlessly and murmurs a quiet, "Thank you." It's obvious that she wants the topic to disappear just as much as he does.

Josh clears his throat, pointing behind him. "Well… we've got s'mores over by the bonfire, and the guys have some fireworks that we're gonna set off at midnight!"

"Sounds great," Deeks says, squeezing Kensi's hand. They follow their friend towards the twenty or thirty people that are chatting by the fire, most all of which are familiar faces.

As girl after girl squeals Kensi's name and pulls her in for a hug, she's almost forcibly separated from Deeks. With a fairly large amount of reluctancy he moves away, saying hello to all of his friends as she does the same with hers.

"Are you guys really living together now?" A girl known as Jen asks, nodding her chin towards Deeks across the way. Kensi has been bracing for this particular set of questions- she's known that they would be coming, so her reply isn't at all flustered.

"Yup."

"How long are you gonna stay?"

Kensi shrugs, narrowing her eyes a hilt. "I dunno. Probably until-"

She's cut off as a girl with wide, green eyes and an overly perky demeanor chimes in.

"Are you guys gonna get your own place after graduation?"

Kensi's never been great at 'gossiping with the girls,' especially when the topic of conversation is focused solely on her. She stutters and stammers, eyes bouncing around from one enthralled female to the next.

"Um… we haven't really thought that far ahead yet. I'm not sure what we're gonna do."

"Well you two should totally move in together," another girl adds, nodding profusely as she speaks. Her valley girl accent is so pronounced that Kensi has a hard time taking her seriously. For the first time in a couple of weeks, _not_ laughing is a struggle.

"Becky's right-" _Oh, so her name is Becky. How fitting. _"You guys are, like, perfect for each other."

A chorus of '_ooooh's _and '_yeah's _are expelled all around her, each one accompanied by an overly enthusiastic grin.

"I like to think so," she says with a light laugh, spotting Deeks' head through the crowds. Kensi's been hoping all along that an acknowledgment of their theories would shut them up, but instead it seems to just bring on a whole new slew of questions.

"What's his place like?"

"Doesn't he live with a friend?"

"Are you guys gonna get mar-"

"Hey!"

The speaking comes to a dead stop as Deeks suddenly reappears by Kensi's side, tossing an arm over her shoulders. He seems almost completely clueless as to the little chat that's been taking place, and especially unaware of the fact that his name has just come up a multitude of times.

"Heeeeeeey," Kensi says, probably speaking louder than she needs to but hardly caring in the least.

All the girls surrounding them give him the same greeting- a low and rather bashful hello. Kensi narrows her eyes as they continue looking him up and down, and Becky bats her eyelashes a couple of times.

Deeks just chuckles awkwardly, his arm rolling off of Kensi's shoulder and reaching for her hand.

"Can I steal her for a minute?"

They all nod in unison, practically hypnotized. _Probably his baby blues. _

"What was that?" She mutters through gritted teeth, putting on a fake smile as they walk away together.

He shrugs. "Just saving you from the lions den. Even a Shaolin monk mixed with a very charismatic cheetah can't escape those girls."

She smirks. "Don't forget about the 'young bull' part."

"Right."

Deeks leads her over towards their group of mutual friends- the ones that they actually _enjoy _being around, rather than the gaggle of girls that she was just speaking to.

"They seem to think I'm pretty handsome, don't they?" Deeks says once they finally come to a stop.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't let it go to your head."

Kensi doesn't tack anything more onto her statement, frankly because she can't find an excuse for their actions. Deeks notices it- the same way he notices _everything _she does.

"No alternate reasoning behind their actions I should know about?"

She shrugs, eyes avoiding his gaze as she sticks both hands behind her back.

"You're an… attractive guy. I can understand why they'd stare."

He rotates that brilliantly defined lower jaw around, the minuscule movement making Kensi's heart flutter.

"Huh."

"What?"

"You hardly ever compliment me. It's a nice change."

"I tell you that I love you. Doesn't that imply a whole slew of compliments?"

"Not really."

"Okay. Maybe I just don't want you getting all… egotistical. That can be a pretty unattractive thing."

"Only on certain people. I think I'd wear it well."

"I'd rather not wait and see."

"You're still allowed to tell me that I'm good looking. I promise. I'll take each compliment lightly."

"I'm sure you will."

As a couple of friends approach, they force themselves to be social with people _besides_ each other. It's not that they don't enjoy the company, but mainly just the lack of words shared between the two of them that's irking. Most of the questions are directed at one another individually, or are about the other. It's becoming clear that their relationship is the talk of the school.

Deeks wonders when that happened- if it's been that way since they became friends, or if it's a new thing that's just become relevant over winter break. That's when _everything _changed.

"Dude!" Josh approaches him quickly, interrupting and catching them both off guard. He punches Deeks lightly in the shoulder before pointing towards a small hoard of people up ahead. "Ten minutes until fireworks! Find a spot to sit!"

"Thanks!"

Everyone scatters immediately. Kensi spots a bag of beach towels that someone has kindly provided for the group, and jogs over to snatch one before they're all gone.

She lays it out and sinks down to the ground, patting the spot beside her. Deeks does as he's instructed, and before he can even suggest it Kensi is relocating herself so she's sitting in front of him, the back of her head leaning against his chest.

They watch in perfectly comfortable silence as people scamper about, trying to find the perfect place to view the show. But after five minutes or so, he can't help but interrupt the quietness with a soft whisper.

"Knowing Josh, these are probably some incredibly illegal, massively dangerous fireworks from an indian reservation. Just a heads up."

She doesn't flinch, but instead just chuckles. "Why does that not surprise me?"

Deeks watches as a couple of his friends carry explosives of some sort towards the shore, just before the tide meets with the sand.

"Should you go help them?"

He shrugs. "Nah. I'm comfortable."

"And maybe a little lazy."

_"Or _I just don't want to get my face blown off."

She grimaces, leaning back into him further as if that could prevent him from leaving.

"Yeah. You're right. Don't go anywhere."

"I wasn't planning on it."

Some yelling and a couple of excited shouts ring out across the beach. Beautiful sparks can be spotted building up in front of them as they prepare for midnight, the countdown beginning.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven…"

Her head drops back against his chest and Deeks wraps both hands around her midsection, staring forward.

"Six, five, four…"

Kensi tilts her head up, moving so their faces are barely even a wink apart. She smiles.

"Three, two, one!"

As the countdown stops and he can hear the popping and cackling of fireworks, Deeks presses his lips to hers.

They separate after a couple of seconds, not wanting to miss the show that Josh has put so much effort into. Kensi grins as they pull apart. The lightness in her face reflects the lightness in her eyes, and for a long moment Deeks just revels in it. Any chance to see her genuinely smile, he takes.

They stare ahead and, just as expected, the fireworks are massive and illuminate the pier.

"Definitely illegal," Kensi says quietly as she settles back into his chest.

"Oh yeah," he replies with a smirk. "Totally illegal."

Once again silence envelops them and all that can be heard is the sound of fireworks, burning through the night sky with a fiery intensity.

"It's gonna be a great year," Deeks adds, his lips brushing against Kensi's hair as he whispers into her ear.

She swallows, her body stiffening before melting into him once again. Despite the obstacles they've encountered, Kensi would like to believe that there might just be some truth to his promises after all.

"I think you could be right, Deeks."


End file.
